Turnabouts from Beyond the Courtroom
by CzarThwomp
Summary: What do you get when a fanfic writer's main platform for writing one-offs is shut down? This project. So brace yourself for a series of one-off stories taking place throughout the series with a plethora of plots that will perhaps make you question my sanity. Rated T to be on the safe side.
1. The Dating of the Maggey

**Disclaimer: All material used in this fanfiction belongs to its respective owner(s) and I am not associated with them in any way, shape, or form. I, the writer of this fanfic, claim none of it as my own in this non-profit fanfic.**

 **A/N:** Before I began writing fanfics here, I got my start on the Ace Attorney Trilogy channel in Miiverse- essentially, Nintendo's version of Twitter- where I wrote short stories from July 27, 2015, up until the service was shut down on November 7, 2017. So, as I promised people who enjoyed my fanfictions there, I've decided to upload those stories here.

These stories, which will not be posted in the order they were created, will be edited from how they were originally posted on Miiverse. Since I'm not dealing with a daily limit of 30 400-character posts, I can afford to include dialogue that was originally cut due to length. Plus, there are several stories- particularly from my first year of writing- that I feel need major revamping.

As a warning, some of these stories will wander slightly into the realm of crackfics; which is why I'm starting this series with a story that I wrote towards the end of my first year which isn't too crazy and didn't require too much editing. That way I can help ease you guys into some of the more bizarre story elements I've cooked up over the years that are yet to come.

So with that said, I hope that you enjoy the first one-off story of my new series!

* * *

 **The Dating of the Maggey**

( **Time:** Sometime after _Trials and Tribulations_ and before _Ace Attorney Investigations 2_ )

It was a slow day at the Prosecutor's Office and Edgeworth was making the most of it by reading a case file at his desk, casually taking sips of his piping hot tea with each turn of a page. The logic-loving prosecutor loved quiet days like this, where he could thoroughly analyze evidence lists and potential witnesses at his own leisure.

However, Edgeworth's peaceful day was cut short when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." The maroon-cladded prosecutor indifferently replied as he continued reading the file, prompting Gumshoe to enter the office.

"Hey, Mr. Edgeworth." The scruffy detective stated, closing the door behind him as he walked up to his superior's desk.

"Ah, Gumshoe, what brings you here?" Edgeworth asked, placing the case file on his desk so he could give his underpaid subordinate his full attention.

"I need some advice, sir."

"If it's about your financial situation, my suggestion would be to fake your death and start your life anew as a Borginian fisherman." Edgeworth sneered. "Sure, it's not the most glamorous or highest-paying career, but it can't be any worse than where you currently are."

"I'm not here to talk about that, Mr. Edgeworth." Gumshoe replied with a forlorn expression.

"Oh, then what advice _are_ you here for?"

I, uh…" Gumshoe awkwardly replied, nervously scratching the back of his head. "I want to ask Maggey out on a date, but I'm not sure how."

"And you're coming to me with this issue, why?" Edgeworth irritably responded with an unamused look.

"Well, I figured that if anyone could teach me how to ask a girl out on a date, it would be a lady-killer like you, sir." Gumshoe responded with a hope-filled tone.

"What gave you that impression, Gumshoe?" Edgeworth asked with a look of confusion. "What women do you see clamoring around me?"

"Well, there's Oldbag…"

"She's a delusional geriatric stalker." Edgeworth curtly stated with crossed arms.

"And there was Ms. Teneiro, as well as Ms. Paups…"

"Those two women were overcome emotionally on account of the fact that they both accused of murder."

"And what about the Edgeworth Fan Club?" Gumshoe asked, pointing to the window behind Edgeworth's desk where, right outside, several adolescent and adult girls were crammed into a window washer, staring dreamily in at the disturbed maroon-cladded prosecutor.

"Well, even if I am able to woo a few women of questionable sanity, I think it's pretty obvious why."

"Your boyish good looks and general awkwardness?"

"W-What?! No!" Edgeworth sputtered, reeling back out of shock. "Maybe... I don't know..." The logic-loving man mused, cocking his head to the side in contemplation before quickly disregarding the thought. "Look, what I'm getting at is that women love a man who exudes an air of sophistication. With the right outfit and manner of speech, you can attract any woman your heart desires."

"Thanks, sir! I'll do just that!" Gumshoe jovially proclaimed, rushing out of the office in excitement.

* * *

With how limited Gumshoe's ever-dwindling budget had been over the course of his career, the scruffy detective had to set his bar of sophistication much lower than that of his affluent superior.

Gumshoe knew that he would never be able to afford a regular suit, let alone the elegant ones that Edgeworth wore every day. However, Gumshoe had heard many women over the years complementing his boss' fancy napkin tie, or cravat- a term he learned the hard way in the form of a pay cut- so maybe he could incorporate something like that into his wardrobe.

About an hour later, after visiting the public library and quickly skimming through a dictionary for fancy words, Gumshoe, with a crumpled paper napkin in his shirt- silk napkins are for people with living wages- nervously entered the Big Willy's location where Maggey was working as a cashier. Thankfully, the scruffy detective had managed to beat the lunch rush, so there was practically no line standing between him and his beloved.

"Hey, Detective Gumshoe! Welcome to Big Willy's, may I take your order?" Maggey chirped with a determined grin, looking adorable in her work uniform which consisted of a silk shirt with thin red and yellow vertical stripes and a larger burger hat.

"Gasconadings, Maggey." Gumshoe smirked, placing his right hand on the counter and leaning forward in an attempt to look seductive.

"Uh… What?" Maggey asked, her head cocked to the side in confusion.

"I'm here to tell you that you are a saxicolous, parsimonious woman who I want to perfidiously take out on the penultimate date of your life."

"I didn't understand a word that you just said, sir. Oh, you seem to have been in a rush when you were eating lunch today because there's a loose napkin tucked into your shirt. Let me get that for you." Maggey warmly grinned as she removes the napkin from Gumshoe's shirt, prompting him to run out of the restaurant crying before she could even ask him what's troubling him.

* * *

Defeated and dejected, Gumshoe sullenly lumbered down the 12th floor hallway of the Prosecutor's Office towards Edgeworth's place of work, wailing at the top of his lung, when his path was suddenly block by Franziska bursting out of her office, standing in the hallway before the detective, flashing him a death glare.

"Scruffy, keep it down!" Franziska snapped, pulling at her whip in frustration. "I'm trying to build a perfect case, and I can't do that if you keep on foolishly wailing outside of my office like some foolishly foolish banshee!"

"Waaah! You're right, Ms. von Karma! I'm a loser! A big, foolish looser!" Gumshoe wailed, causing Franziska to reel back in shock. Sure, the underpaid detective was one of the most foolishly foolish fools she had ever met, but she had never seen the guy so broken… other than the time when she forced him to listen to that foolish clown's horrible jokes nonstop for over an hour.

"Get ahold of yourself, Scruffy!" Franziska ordered, lashing her subordinate with her whip. "Show some dignity! If not for yourself, than for _me_. For when my foolishly foolish subordinates act as foolish as you're acting now, it makes _me_ look foolish by extension."

"B-But, sir! I… I just got rejected by the woman I love!" Gumshoe wheezed as he wiped the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his trench coat.

"*Sigh…* Come in, Scruffy." Franziska reluctantly stated before leading the underpaid detective into her Victorian-style office, taking a seat at her desk and gesturing him to sit in the chair in front of her. "So, tell me what happened. I know that it was probably because you were acting foolish, but I just want to know to what degree your foolishness was- from one to Phoenix Wright." The whip-happy prosecutor sneered with a waggle of her finger.

"Well, I was following Mr. Edgeworth's advice by- OW!" Gumshoe screamed as he felt the sting of his superior's whip.

"Not even one sentence in and you're already giving Phoenix Wright, in all of his foolish glory, a run for his money!"

"What are you talking about, sir? Mr. Edgeworth's a lady-killer!"

"Ha!" Franziska scoffed with a role of her eyes. "My foolish little brother couldn't pick up girls if they were floating in midair. If you wanted advice on women, you should have come to me first. After all, I am one, thus making me even more perfect than I already am on that topic."

"Then what should I do to attract Maggey, sir?"

"One word: dominance."

"So I need to wear a lot of tight, black leather and tell her that she's a bad, bad girl?" Gumshoe asked with a confused look on his face, earning him another lash from his disgruntled superior's whip.

"Not _that_ kind of dominance, Scruffy. I mean put your foot down and show her who's boss. Women love take-charge men who can put them in their place. That's how my papa married my mama, and why I'm still single to this day. So let's do some roleplaying where I'm Maggey and you're your foolishly foolish self, alright?"

"I don't know, sir…" Gumshoe said, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "Maggey doesn't whip me when she's angry… or when she's happy… or when she's bored… or when-"

Franziska cracked the air with her whip, quickly silencing her underpaid subordinate.

"Don't push your luck, Scruffy. Just pretend that I'm Maggey and ask me out on a date. And remember, don't take 'no' for an answer."

Gumshoe took a deep preparatory breath. "Alright. I'm ready, sir!"

"Dick Gumshoe, to what do I owe your foolishly foolish presence?" Franziska asked, glowering at the anxious detective.

"Uhh… H-Hi, Maggey..." Gumshoe stuttered, his cheeks reddening. "Would you like to, um… you know… go… on a date… with me?"

"No." Franziska curtly replied.

"B-But why not?" Gumshoe whimpered.

"You're too foolish for me."

"At least give me a chance, pal!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"PLEASE! I'm so desperate for love!" Gumshoe wailed, grabbing onto Franziska's shoulders as he leaned over the desk.

"No! No! NO!" The whip-happy prosecutor yelled, whipping her pathetic subordinate's shoulder with each 'no', forcing him off of her. "A thousand times no! No wonder you can't attract a woman! No woman worth her salt would be caught dead being in the same room as a weak, groveling fool like you! Not even Larry Butz would stoop to such a foolishly low level of foolish tomfoolery, and this is the fool who, just last week, sent me a videotape of him, shirtless, flexing those foolish twigs he calls arms in an attempt to make me, as he put it, 'warm for his form!' Now get out of my office before I whip every man in this building on behalf of your foolishness!" Franziska roared as she pointed towards the door.

"Yes, sir…" Gumshoe sullenly replied, slowly getting up from his seat before trudging towards the door.

"And don't think that your salary won't be cut for that foolish display of foolish tomfoolery! As soon as I'm done preparing for my next courtroom victory, I am marching straight over to Miles Edgeworth's office so I can whip him into submission for unleashing you, the plague of foolishness, unto women everywhere!"

"Yes, sir…" Gumshoe replied again as he exited the office, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Not wanting to run the risk of running into Franziska by heading to Edgeworth's office, Gumshoe decided to pay a visit to the one place people go to when they have no other options: the Wright and Co. Law Offices.

When Gumshoe entered the office, he was greeted to the sight of Phoenix and Maya sitting on the couch, the former struggling to read a case file while the latter squealed with glee, a gleam of excitement in her eye, as she watched a rerun of _The Steel Samurai_.

"Uh, hey guys." Gumshoe said with a nervous wave, prompting Maya to face him with a grin and Phoenix to put down his case file.

"Hiya, Gumshoe!" The perky spirit medium chirped. "What brings you here today?"

"Nothing much. I'm just dealing with some personal issues..." The detective sighed.

"Did Edgeworth cut your salary again?" Phoenix asked with a concerned look.

"No, it… It involves Maggey."

"Your girlfriend?" Maya tittered.

"No... at least, not until I figure out how to ask her out on a date." Gumshoe stated, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Can you teach me how?"

"Of course!" Maya enthusiastically replied with a clap of her hands. "Nick and I are more than happy to help!"

"Don't I get a say in this?" Phoenix objected, no wanting to get involved with Gumshoe's love life.

"Do I need to get Pearly to come over here to convince you?" Maya hissed, her cheeks puffed-up out of anger.

"You didn't let me finish!" Phoenix replied as he broke out in a cold sweat. "I meant to say that you didn't let me express my excitement to help out our good friend Gumshoe."

"Good! Now, let's do some roleplaying where I'm Maggey and you take me out to a nice burger restaurant for our date- because as we all know, burgers are the key to any woman's heart." Maya said with a wink.

"And the pitfall for any man's wallet." Phoenix wryly chimed in.

Gumshoe shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it can't be worse than roleplaying with Ms. von Karma."

Oh please, no guy would pick up Franziska if she was in a box on their doorstep!" Maya scoffed with a roll of her eyes. "Now, this is the part where the waiter comes to our table."

The room became silent for a few seconds before Maya broke it by slapping Phoenix's arm.

"Nick, that's your cue to take our orders! Chop-chop!" The energetic spirit medium commanded with a clap of her hands "I'm not getting any younger here!

 _You'll be lucky if I don't spit in your food, Maya._ "Can I take your order?" Phoenix growled in contempt.

"Well, since my date here is lucky that I even noticed him, he'll be paying for the entire check. Right, Gumshoe?" Maya warmly asked, giving the detective her best puppy dog eyes.

"Y-You bet, pal! I just wanna make you happy, Maggey!" Gumshoe confidently nodded.

Well, in that case…" A mischievous grin spread across Maya's face. "I'll have five orders of everything on the menu, 20 orders of fries, and 5 large sodas!"

"Uh, Maggey…" Gumshoe weakly objected, nervously scratching the back of his head. "I can barely afford a pack of saltines, let alone your entire order. So do you mind if you cut out a few items?"

"How _dare_ you ask that of me, Gumshoe!?" Maya roared, delivering a swift slap to the detective's cheek. "I am a _prize_ , and if you want to date me, you'll buy me every burger here and like it!"

"I'm sorry, Maggey, but I'm not gonna spend my entire salary on one dinner! Do you want to risk me ending up homeless over a few burgers?!" Gumshoe angrily retorted.

 _That reason hasn't stopped Maya from doing it with me. What makes you different?_ Phoenix thought to himself with much resentment.

Well, if that's how it's going to be, I'm going back to my ex-boyfriend, the Steel Samurai, because at least he knows how to treat a woman!" Maya yelled before picking an Iron Infant stuffed animal off of the floor and proceeded to hold it like one would a young child. "And here I thought that you'd be a good father for my baby!"

With her 'baby' in hand, Maya got up from the couch and stormed into the office's bathroom, making a scene as she slammed the door behind her with every ounce of strength she could muster.

"What's her problem, pal?" Gumshoe asked in a clearly disturbed tone, casting the spikey-haired attorney a look of shock.

Phoenix let out a long sigh, shaking his head. "I've stopped asking that question long ago."

"Well, can you help me, pal?" Gumshoe asked, his voice filled with desperation.

"Gumshoe, to be honest, I'm the last guy you should be coming to for dating advice. For crying out loud, my last girlfriend posed as her psychotic twin sister before said sister attempted to poison me, and later came back from the dead to kill Maya."

"Oh…" The detective sullenly sighed.

"Did you try going to Godot for advice?"

"Wasn't he arrested for murdering Maya's mom?" Gumshoe asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"Yes, but given the fact that Dahlia was being channeled and that she assaulted him first, as well as the fact that Misty had voluntarily channeled Dahlia knowing what kind of person she was, the case was filed as a combination of self-defense and suicide."

"So what happened to Godot?"

"Since he was legitimately remorseful for his actions, Godot wasn't given prison time. Rather, he was ordered to continue his work as a prosecutor- under police supervision, of course- in order to right his wrongs."

"Ok, but how will he help me? By teaching me how to drink coffee all day and how to respond to questions with riddles?"

"Godot may have his quirks… his scalding, painful quirks…" Phoenix cringed upon being remind of the numerous mugs of coffee thrown at him. "But despite all that, you can't deny his ability to attract girls. After all, he was one of the few guys to date Mia."

"If he could get a girl like her, then there may still be hope for me!" Gumshoe proclaimed before rushing out of the office.

* * *

No matter how many times Gumshoe visited Godot's office, he could never get used to it. The second he'd open the door, he'd be hit with the overwhelming smell of coffee as smooth jazz played from a speaker. And to make things weirder, there were coffee makers of various brands and sizes scattered around the place, making it appear more like a coffee house than an office.

The office wasn't any different from the other times Gumshoe visited, except for the silent police officer standing against a wall off to the side, who greeted the detective with a nod, and that Godot's chair was turned to face the large window behind his desk overlooking the city below.

"What brings you to my gilded cage?" Godot coolly asked, not bothering to face his visitor as he took a swig of coffee from the mug in his hand.

How can I attract women, Mr. Godot? I've asked so many people, but they've all given me different answers that don't work. What should I do?"

"Look in the mirror before you leave the house- that's a rule of mine." Godot smirked, spinning his office chair around, allowing Gumshoe to see the small coffee maker on the prosecutor's lap that he was petting with his free hand like one would a cat.

"What?" Gumshoe asked with a bewildered look.

"The deer that doesn't see its reflection in the pond gets bitten by the snake."

"Come again?"

"The turtle learns to thrive in the House of Mirrors."

"Enough with the Zen riddles, sir!" Gumshoe snapped. "Just tell me what I need to know in plain English."

"I can't give you anything that you don't already have. Just be yourself…" Godot took a swig of coffee from his mug. "It's as simple as that."

"But Mr. Godot, all I've ever gotten for being myself were pay cuts and Ms. von Karma whipping me."

"Do you like this girl?"

"Yes." Gumshoe confidently stated with a nod.

"Then be honest with her, and yourself, by not hiding anything."

"But what if I scare her off?"

"Then she's not the one for you. There are plenty of kittens in the litter. So if one scratches you, then just try to hold another one."

"Thanks Mr. Godot, I'll try that." Gumshoe grinned before turning around to leave the office.

"And Detective…" Godot called out, prompting the scruffy man to turn around.

"Yeah?"

"If things don't go well, come back here and you can drown your sorrows in the bitter embrace of Godot Blend # 102." Godot smirked.

* * *

After spending a few hours to catch up on the work that he had put off, Gumshoe made his way to Big Willy's, arriving just in time to see Maggey- wearing a casual outfit and not her work clothes- exiting the restaurant.

"H-Hi, M-Maggey." Gumshoe nervously called out with a small wave.

"Hi Detective Gumshoe! What brings you here?" Maggey warmly asked.

"Well, I… I was just wondering if you'd like to, y'know... go on a date... with me?" Gumshoe asked, his cheeks bright red as he nervously scratched the back of his head.

"Sure!" Maggey chirped.

"You mean it?" Gumshoe squealed with a big, toothy grin.

"Yeah! You're a really nice guy who's always been a good friend and stood by my side, even during all those times I was accused of murder."

"Well, you know how I am…" Gumshoe modestly stated.

"So, what do you want to do?"

"There really isn't that much we _can_ do, considering my salary, pal." Gumshoe sighed with a look of shame on his face. "So would it be alright with you if we just went on a walk?"

"Dick, as long as I'm spending time with you, anything's fine with me." Maggey sweetly stated, putting a smile on the scruffy detective's face by giving him a hug. "Though if it's alright with you, can we please avoid crosswalks? I… I don't have the best history with them." Maggey said, her head slightly lowered out of embarrassment.

"Anything for you, Maggey." Gumshoe reassured his date as they walked away from the restaurant.

* * *

The outing was everything Gumshoe had hoped for. He and Maggey were getting closer than ever before as they talked about their childhoods, their hobbies, their fears, and other such topics. And as they talked, Gumshoe felt so warm as his fingers wrapped around Maggey's as a tingly sensation radiated up his arm.

That tingly feeling could have easily been the result of high blood pressure brought on by eating a near-exclusive diet of instant noodles for many years, but Gumshoe couldn't have cared less. He was walking through town with the girl of his dreams and felt as if he was the king of the world.

At one point, the duo walked by the Prosecutor's Office on the other side of the street, where Godot could see them as he gazed out his window from his chair, sipping his coffee with a grin.

"I've done well, Mia…" Godot muttered as he pet the coffee maker, his mouth very subtly twitching. "I've done well..."


	2. Five Nights at Phoenix's

**A/N:** Apparently, the site doesn't want to cooperate with me. So in order to have the title actually centered and not off to the left, I have to post an A/N. Thus, why not give you a little background for this one-off?

The idea was submitted to me by one of my readers during the whole FNAF craze. Thus, I decided to write a story that focuses less on the game itself, but rather the characters' reactions to it. The hardest part of the process was actually coming up with the gameplay portions since I have never played any entries in the FNAF series and never plan to for various reasons, thus limiting all of my information to the wiki and whatever screenshots I could find.

Ok, I think that covers all I want to say. Hopefully the title portion will be centered after this. I swear, Phoenix is my spirit animal when it comes to technology. So if it isn't, I appreciate you being understanding.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

* * *

 **Five Nights at Phoenix's**

( **Time:** May 17, 2019)

It was two weeks since Phoenix lost his badge and adopted Trucy. It was 10:00 p.m. and after a long day of work at the Borscht Bowl playing countless rounds of poker and enduring numerous complaints about his inability to play the piano, Phoenix crawled into his bed, making sure he was snug and comfortable before slowly drifting off into blissful sleep.

However, before Phoenix could enjoy his much deserved rest, he was jolted awake by his door being thrusted open, slamming against the wall with a loud boom, followed by rapid, forceful stomps could only be described as the sound of a heard of fleeing wilder beasts. But the former attorney immediately knew that wasn't the case. After all, he may have seen many strange things during his time as a lawyer, but Phoenix knew that even in a world where parrots are allowed to testify and coffee can be weaponized, no wilder beast has ever been known to shriek, "Daddy! Daddy!"

Though before the poker shark could even begin to think about why his little girl sounded so spooked, Trucy lunged at him, landing knee-first on his stomach.

"Daddy! Daddy! I'm scared!" The young magician wailed, tears streaming from her big, blue eyes which were mere inches away from her adoptive daddy's anguish-filled ones.

"I can see that… and so can my broken pelvis." Phoenix grunted through clenched teeth.

"Sorry, Daddy…" Trucy replied with a guilty look on her face before getting off of her adoptive father and standing next to the bed. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's alright, Trucy. I'm more shocked than anything. Did you have a nasty nightmare?"

"N-No." Trucy whimpered with a shake of her head. "I-I was playing _Five Nights at Freddy's_ and-and I was watching the monitors and I didn't see Chica enter the office. A-And when I lowered the monitor, she jump scared meeeee!"

Trucy, I told you to go straight to bed. How were you playing video games when I had Maya go… Oh right, this is Maya I'm talking about." Phoenix groaned, his gaze narrowing upon realizing his mistake.

And as if on cue…

"Niiiiiiiiiiick!" Maya screamed at the top of her, charging through the bedroom's open door as fast as greased lightning before jumping on top of her friend like Trucy had just done. "Nick! Nick! Nick! Trucy and I were playing _Five Nights at Freddy's_ and Chica jump scared us!" The burger-loving woman shrieked before breaking into tears. "It was horrible, Nick! That chicken animatronic is sooo scary with its large mouth, glazed look in its eyes, and how it gets into your personal space!"

 _Gumshoe has all of those qualities, yet you never saw me running for the hills._ "Look, why don't you two just think of happy thoughts and get some sleep?" Phoenix asked with a slight hint of hope in his voice.

"No way, Nick!" Maya huffed, puffing her cheeks in anger. "If we don't beat the game, we're letting the Fazbear gang win!"

"I don't care who wins as long as I get some sleep." Phoenix tiredly retorted as he tried, and failed, to turn on his side under the weight of his former assistant.

"Please, Daddy! We need your help!" Trucy begged while pulling at her father's arm.

"Trucy, you know that I'm bad with video games."

"But you're a level 5 daddy! This should be nothing for you!" Trucy stated with a look of fiery determination that the former defense attorney knew meant that he had no say in this matter.

 _Level 5 daddy? Since when did I become a Pokémon?_ "Fine, I'll help you guys." Phoenix sighed in resignation.

"Thanks, Nick! You're the best!" Maya squealed as she gave her friend a bear hug.

Suddenly, Pearl rushed into the room, holding a boombox that was playing Barry White's _Can't get Enough of Your Love, Babe._

"Now's not a good time to play that song on your boombox, Pearls." Phoenix snapped with reddened cheeks.

"But, Mr. Nick! You and Mystic Maya need it to seal the deal! Now kiss!" The young spirit medium yelled, glowering at card shark as she waited for him to take his relationship with her cousin to the next level.

* * *

A few minutes later, after brewing and downing some coffee, as well as bribing Pearl to go to bed by hugging Maya for several seconds, Phoenix headed into the living room- followed closely by Trucy and his former assistant- and sat down on the couch in front of the laptop on the coffee table, which had the _Five Nights at Freddy's_ game over screen displayed on the monitor.

"Well, that's… something." Phoenix hesitantly stated, staring at the picture of a strange-looking bear animatronic sitting on a table before starting a new game, which placed him right in the middle of a cramped, dimly-lit office filled with several posers and drawings as a man via phone told him about the dangers of the animatronics. "That's good to know…" The ex-attorney stated with a look of discontent. "So how do I check the cameras?"

"Click on that big arrow box at the bottom of the screen, Daddy." Trucy said with a smile, to which her father complied, causing a screen showing what was happening in one of the restaurant's room, as well as a map of the building's layout, to appear on the monitor.

"Ok, I-I'm confused. How do I see what's going on in the other rooms?" Phoenix asked, pressing several keys on the keyboard to no avail.

"Click on the boxes, Nick! Geeze!" Maya huffed as she angrily pointed at the screen.

"Well, excuse me if I spend my days working so that I can pay the rent _and_ satisfy your burger addiction instead of playing videogames." Phoenix retorted as he started clicking on another box, causing the screen to show a new room which he thoroughly scanned. "What the heck? Where are the animatronics?"

"Wandering around the restaurant trying to reach you, Daddy!" Trucy shouted.

"Well, I haven't seen any so far."

"Because they don't stick around in one place. You've gotta be quick like lightning!" Trucy responded.

"Nick, put your cameras down! You're wasting power!" Maya snapped, gesturing to the power level number at the bottom left corner of the screen, which was starting to dwindle.

"But I don't know where the animatronics are!" Phoenix responded with a frustrated tone.

"Daddy, for all we know, one of them's already at the door! Quick, check!" Trucy commanded with much fear in her voice.

"Fine, I'll check and- AAAAAAH!" Phoenix screamed; for the second he lowered his monitor, he was greeted to a close-up of a demented-looking robotic purple bunny biting at him, causing the screen to shake as a shrill, high-pitched screech was blasted from the speakers before transitioning to the game over screen. "Wha… What was that thing!?" The ex-attorney shrieked, heavily panting as he tried to catch his breath.

"That was Bonnie! He snuck in while you were busy looking at the cameras! That why I was telling you to check your doors!" Trucy shouted with her hands on her hips and a glare on her face.

"And then what?" Phoenix asked with a confused look on his face.

"You close them by clicking on the red buttons that say 'doors'!" Maya screeched. "You know, Nick, I can normally tolerate your geezer ways, but this is outright pathetic! How do you live with yourself?"

"By getting some sleep, which you and Trucy won't allow me to have because of this game!" Phoenix angrily retorted. "Now if you'll excuse me…" The ex-attorney stated as he got up from the couch, only to be stopped by his daughter pulling at his arm. "Trucy, let go."

"Please, Daddy, you've gotta help us! Me and Mommy Maya are too on-edge to make any progress! You're our last hope! Plus, I-I love you, Daddy, and… and I want to spend time with you because… because you're the only family I have left." Trucy whimpered, her lower lip trembling as she looked up at her father with tear-filled eyes.

"Fine…" Phoenix sighed as he sat back down. "But after tonight, you are _never_ to play this game again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Daddy…" Trucy groaned.

"I swear, this sort of thing never happens to Edgeworth..." Phoenix grumbled under his breath before trying the game again.

* * *

Meanwhile, Edgeworth was reading a case file in his posh penthouse while Franziska, who was staying for the night because her apartment needed to be fumigated, was playing _Five Nights at Freddy's_ on her laptop and is failing miserably, to say the least.

"Curse you, foolish Freddy Fazbear and your foolish five nights!" Franziska roared, pounding her keyboard with her fists.

"Franziska, you've been yelling at that game all night. Do you mind if you calm down so that I can finish reading this case file?" Edgeworth growled as he clenched the manila folder in his hands.

"No, Miles Edgeworth! This game made a fool out of me, Franziska von Karma, and for that, it must pay!" The silver-haired woman snarled before placing the laptop on a nearby ottoman and whipping it.

"What exactly are you having issues with? Perhaps I can be of assistance."

"Don't waste your time, Miles Edgeworth. This foolish game is so foolish that no one who was raised in the von Karma household- even a foolishly foolish fool like yourself- can beat it without having a mental breakdown because of its sheer foolishness!" Franziska pouted with crossed arms as she squeezed her sleeve.

"If that game is so foolish, then why are you still playing it?" The maroon-cladded prosecutor smirked, tapping his finger to his forehead.

"Because your foolish assistant assumed that I couldn't complete it after I told her how foolish it was when she wouldn't stop talking about it; and you know very well, Miles Edgeworth, that I will not allow any foolishly foolish fool to foolishly believe that I am incapable of anything!" Franziska hissed as she pulled at her whip.

"Well, it just so happens that we were introduced to this game by the same source." Edgeworth stated with a smug grin and a shrug of his shoulders. "For just the other day, Kay wouldn't allow me to get any work done because she wouldn't cease begging me to install _Five Nights at Freddy's_ on my computer and complete it with her." _Though at the cost of my dignity thanks to that blasted chicken animatronic that looked strangely familiar._ "That's why I've been reading this case file instead of enjoying other forms of literature."

"You mean like one of those foolish _Steel Samurai_ comic books?" Franziska sneered, gesturing to a nearby bookshelf filled with several _Steel Samurai_ mangas.

"T-Those are left over from the State vs. Powers case that I prosecuted back in 2016 and were research tools, nothing more, nothing less!" Edgeworth objected, his cheeks tuning as red as a ripe tomato, before quickly regaining his composure. "But returning to the topic at hand… Once again, what's giving you trouble? Conserving power? Finding a good compromise between checking the monitor and checking the doors?"

"It's that foolish fool Foxy! Every time I think that I've established the perfect defense, that foolish fox foolishly sprints into the office out of nowhere. With how he suddenly ruins my perfect plans, he's like the Phoenix Wright of video games!" Franziska snapped, pounding her fist against the maroon leather couch she was sitting on.

"Don't worry, Franziska. Kay and I had our fair share of deaths at the hands of that wily fox. But before I help you, just let me call Gumshoe. I need to look over some pictures for a trail I'm prosecuting tomorrow."

"Fine. But don't keep me waiting, Miles Edgeworth." The silver-haired prosecutor threateningly stated as she prepped her whip.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

At the Prosecutor's Office, one of the only people remaining was Gumshoe, who was busy dusting Edgeworth's office. Sure, it was hard work, but it allowed the scruffy detective to help out his beloved superior and earn a few cents worth of overtime and even a pity meal if he was lucky. But Gumshoe's cleaning was interrupted when his cellphone rang, which he wasted no time in answering when he saw that Edgeworth was the one calling.

"Gumshoe, are you still at the Prosecutor's Office?" Edgeworth calmly asked.

"Sure am, Mr. Edgeworth. I'm just about done tidying up the place and am about to call it a night. Why do you ask?"

"Good to hear. Could you please log onto my work computer and email me the pictures for the Leslie Tautdoute case?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Edgeworth. You can always count on me!" Gumshoe stated with a confident grin.

 _Unless, of course, I want you to give decent testimony in court._ "Thank you, Gumshoe." Edgeworth politely replied before ending the call.

After turning on and logging into the nearby laptop on the desk and using the password given to him for just such a scenario, the scruffy detective did just as he was told and emailed several pictures depicting a gruesome crime scene to his superior's other laptop. However, right as Gumshoe was about to turn of the computer, he noticed a strange shortcut in the form of some creepy-looking bear.

" _Five Nights at Freddy's_?" Gumshoe asked, cocking his head in confusion as he hovered his cursor over the shortcut. "I've never heard of it, but I don't think that Mr. Edgeworth would mind if I played it for a bit…"

After starting up the game and listening to the introductory phone conversation, Gumshoe proceeded to keep both electric doors shut and the hallway lights on for as long as possible.

"I don't care what that phone guy says. If I'm a security guard at a restaurant, then I'm keeping all of the doors closed and turning on all of the lights." Gumshoe proudly stated.

Though unfortunately for the scruffy detective, after a few seconds of that strategy, he ran out of power, causing the room to become dark, followed by a music box remix of _Toreador March_ to start playing.

"Ok, things are starting to get a little creepy…" Gumshoe nervously said with a tone of unease. "But as long as I stay calm, things will be- OH MY GOD!" The underpaid detective screamed in terror, reeling back in his chair as a brown animatronic bear with wide, unblinking eyes lunged at the screen while opening and closing its gapping maw. "Did that giant bear just eat me!?"Gumshoe shrieked, taking a few deep breaths to help him regain his composure. "Ok, I'm fine… I'm fine… I won't lose this next time. I just have to keep the doors closed and the lights on even longer."

* * *

After almost half an hour of playing the game using this strategy, and failing each and every time, Gumshoe was left trembling in his chair as he gazed at the game over screen with saucer-sized eyes.

"I-I need to stop playing this game..." Gumshoe muttered to himself before turning of the computer and locking up Edgeworth's office.

But even though the scruffy detective was no longer playing the game, the terrifying images and horrifying sounds that he saw and heard were still haunting his mind; and it didn't help that the hallway on the 12th floor was dimly lit.

"It sure is dark..." Gumshoe nervously noted, his posture slightly hunched over. "Good thing that it was only a video game."

Though suddenly, as if on cue, Gumshoe heard _Toreador March_ playing in a darker portion of the hallway.

"W-Who's there!?" The scruffy detective shouted as he raised his clenched fists.

However, there was no reply as the music grew slightly louder and the silhouette of a bear approached Gumshoe, causing him to wince.

"N-Not this time, pal!" The scruffy detective roared, charging straight at the perceived threat like a raging bull, tackling the entity to the ground before repeatedly punching it in the face, which made it start crying and screaming in a surprisingly effeminate fashion.

After thoroughly trouncing his foe, Gumshoe dragged the entity into a brighter section of the hallway, where, much to his horror, he discovered that this supposed assailant was not a deranged animatronic, but Sebastian Debeste, who was wearing a bear costume and carrying a boombox playing _Toreador March_.

"Oh my gosh!" Gumshoe gasped as he helped the rookie prosecutor back on his feet. "Are you alright, pal?"

"N-Normally people beat me up _after_ I talk- or in Pops case, he'd hire guys to do it a week later so he wouldn't have to deal with Social Services." Sebastian whimpered as tears streamed down his bruised and battered face.

"I'm so sorry, Sebastian! The hall was dark, I got freaked out after playing this really scary video game, and…! Now that I think about it, Why are you walking around the Prosecutor's Office in a bear costume while playing that song?"

"I'll have you know that I was doing my Yogi Bear calisthenics because Yogi's debeste bear. But that's not important! I'm gonna tell Mr. Edgeworth about how you insulted me!" Sebastian cried as he tried to run out of the building, only to be stopped by Gumshoe getting down on the ground and grabbing onto his leg.

"Don't tell Mr. Edgeworth, please! I can't afford another pay cut, pal! I've only just started not feeling lightheaded in the middle of the day thanks to that raise Mr. Edgeworth gave me last month! I can't go back to that, pal! I just can't!"

"Have some malignity, Flatfoot, and get off my leg!" Sebastian complained.

"Nooo!" Gumshoe wailed as he kept a steadfast grip on the rookie prosecutor's leg, making it where the adolescent boy struggled to take even a single step forward.

* * *

After several agonizing, terrifying hours of gameplay, Phoenix found himself staring at the _Five Nights at Freddy's_ title screen and the two white stars on it indicating that all seven nights were completed.

"Done." Phoenix sighed in relief as he slumped back on the couch.

"Yay! We won! We defeated Freddy!" Maya squealed, her excited, jovial disposition a stark contrast to the morose face and tired eyes of her friend.

"Excuse me? 'We?' There was no 'we!' It was me while _you_ hid and whimpered in the corner and Trucy zonked out in the armchair!" Phoenix snapped, gestured to his daughter who was curled up and sleeping peacefully in the nearby armchair.

However, before the card shark could continue his rant, he heard his cellphone ring, which he answered upon seeing who was calling him.

"What do you want, Kristoph?" Phoenix snarled.

"Well, excuse me for calling my dear friend at seven in the morning." The periwinkle-cladded attorney stated with mock shock in his voice. "I only wanted to know if we were still on for a few rounds of poker at my place tonight."

"Yeah, I'll be there…" Phoenix replied with a tired voice. "After I do just that for ten hours with practically no breaks."

"You sound upset, Wright. Is something bothering you...? Well, except the whole 'having your career and dreams suddenly and brutally destroyed' thing." Kristoph stated with the slightest hint of sadistic glee in his voice. "Not that I blame you, of course. If I lost my badge because of Klavier's foul play, I'd be absolutely livid."

"It's not that. Trucy and my ex-assistant wouldn't let me get any sleep last night because they wanted me to help them beat this video game."

"You spent all night playing some silly video game?" Kristoph asked in a condescending tone.

"That's what I thought at first, but then I realized how intense it can get once I started playing it. Have you ever played it, Kristoph? It's called _Five Nights at Freddy's_."

"I don't play video games, Wright. And even if I did, I could probably beat it while blindfolded."

"Well, why don't we make a little wager out of it? I'll send you a copy of the game, and if you can beat it before seven tonight, I'll buy the snacks for poker night."

"Challenge accepted." Kristoph stated with the utmost confidence in his voice.

* * *

Apollo never liked visiting Kristoph's apartment; not because he hated the man- on the contrary, the loud-voiced adolescent greatly admired his superior for giving him the opportunity to assist him in his cases- but because the place was flat-out creepy. It was bad enough that the décor of the place resembled the home of an anal-retentive old lady- miscellaneous plastic flowers scattered about, doilies on every table, an absurd number of pictures of various family members, etc.- but what took the cake was that the Coolest Defense in the West had a room filled to the brim with Shirley Temple merchandise. Apollo could still remember his first visit when he accidentally stumbled upon that room when searching for the bathroom and nightmares that plagued him for the next week.

However, on this day, Apollo had to put those negative feelings aside on account of his boss not showing up at the law firm all day or even calling him, for that matter. Sure, Kristoph could have suddenly came down with a case of indigestion or something along those lines that left him unable to lift a finger, let alone pick up a phone; though Apollo knew that a girl even so much as acknowledging his assistance would be more likely than that happening. After all, the horn-haired adolescent saw his boss, the Coolest Defense in the West, nonchalantly acquit a client with very little effort despite battling a high fever and a sore throat.

So when Apollo used the spare key that Kristoph had so cleverly hidden in the hallway outside the apartment, he knew that whatever the issue was, it was big, which is why the aspiring defense attorney slowly opened the door with a shaky hand.

"Mr. Gavin…?" Apollo hesitantly called out as he stepped into the immaculate apartment. "Are… Are you alright…?"

"NAAAGH!" Kristoph screamed at the top of his lungs from behind the closed door of the Shirley Temple shrine room.

"Oh my god, it finally happened- those Shirley Temple dolls came to life and killed Mr. Gavin!" Apollo shrieked, his eyes widening to the size of saucers as he took a step back. "D-Don't worry, Mr. Gavin! I'll save you!" The loud-voiced adolescent proclaimed as he rushed over to the closed door and thrust it open. However, what the aspiring defense attorney saw was not a room filled with demonic killer dolls like something out of a horror film… It was much, much worse.

For on the other side of the door, surrounded by his Shirley Temple merchandise, was Kristoph sitting in a purple armchair, his arms lying limply over the side like two noodles and his fingers lightly twitching, with a laptop on his lap, the light of which eerily illuminated his face- his wide, unblinking eyes which were staring off into nothing and his unbraided, unkempt hair.

"Mr. Gavin, are you alright?" Apollo reluctantly asked from just outside the room, too terrified to get any closer to his boss while the man was in this state.

"The animatronics... they mock me with their screeches and soulless eyes. For hours, they have taunted me without end- especially that golden bear! I monitor the screens, just minding my own business, when all of a sudden… _he_ appears. And once he appears, there's nothing I can do. I can close the doors, I can turn on the lights, I can remain absolutely still, but no matter what I try, that golden abject bear's horrific visage flashes on my screen and crashes the game, dashing my hopes within mere seconds! In a way, that… _thing_ is quite reminiscent of…" Kristoph snarled, his left eye twitching as he slammed his fist on his keyboard before suddenly beginning to chuckle. "Was this your plan...? To make me suffer, Wright…? Wright... WRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTT!" The periwinkle-cladded attorney roared at the top of his lungs, his hair flowing up like a roaring fire.

Understandably disturbed at seeing his normally calm and collected boss behaving in such an unusual manner, to say the least, prompted Apollo to waste no time in slamming the door to the Shirley Temple room shut and running out of the apartment as fast as humanly possible, screaming in terror while questioning his life's choices.


	3. Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip

**A/N:** Regarding this story, I wanted to take a crack at what Larry could have possibly written for Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip. I mean, this is a book written by Larry Butz, the guy who earned the reputation of "If it smells, it's probably the Butz." So with that in mind, chances are that the story is just as haphazard and delusional as its writer.

With that little summary of the premise written, the title portion should be centered. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

* * *

 **Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip**

( **Time:** During the window of time between the end of _Turnabout Revolution_ and the beginning of _Turnabout Time Traveler_ )

In the Prosecutor's Office, Edgeworth was reading a case file at his desk when he was suddenly interrupted by Larry- who was wearing a fake moustache, pink-tinted glasses, a pink beret, and had a pipe hanging out of his mouth- barging into his office.

"Yo, Edgey, guess what!" Larry exclaimed as he rushed over to his childhood friend's desk as a look of disdain started to slowly spread across the Chief Prosecutor's face.

"You've made a retail designer with poor tastes richer?" Edgeworth sneered.

"Hey, I'll have you know that this is the outfit of a master writer!" Larry snarled with clenched fists and jagged teeth.

No, it's the attire of a creep who would be at home on _To Catch a Predator_."

Oh, like you're the king of fashion, Mr. Pink Suit! 'Oh, look at me, I'm Edgey, and I wear a napkin!'" Larry proclaimed in an over-the-top posh accent. "As if someone with your sense in fashion could ever hope to understand the nuanced attire of a genius writer!"

"One, my suit is maroon, not pink. Two, that 'napkin', as you so 'elegantly' put it, is a cravat. And three, since when did you become a writer? The only things I've seen you write are numerous unfulfilled I.O.U. notes."

"Well, Edgey, you'll be getting your $50 back in no time because my gravy train has just pulled into the station. Behold…!" Larry smirked as he took out and slammed a picture book with an image of a smiling Franziska brandishing her whip on the cover with the phrase 'Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip' written at the top in goofy, childish bubble letters of various colors.

"Larry, what in the name of all that is good and pure am I looking at?" Edgeworth asked matter-of-factly as he tapped his bicep with his index finger, trying his best to hide just how much he wanted to bash his head through a wall.

"Only the greatest thing since sliced bread: _Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip_ \- the ultimate book for kids and adults of all ages!" Larry proudly proclaimed with his hands on his hips.

"Good to know that parents will be able to join their children in therapy." Edgeworth wryly retorted, causing Larry's happiness to morph into rage.

"Why can't you ever be supportive of me, Edgey!? I spend eight long years making this book and all you've been doing since I got here is insult me!"

"Because you haven't done anything _worth_ supporting."

"Not anymore, Edgey! Because as of two hours ago, _Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip_ has become available to the public in bookstores and tablet devices across the nation! I'm superstar author Laurice Deauxnim now!"

"In that case, I'll be more than happy to sing your praises…" Edgeworth sneered.

"I knew you'd come around eventually, Edgey." Larry stated with a smug grin.

"Yes, I'll talk about your brave, blissful nature in your eulogy after Franziska brutally murders you."

"Oh, please! Franzy wouldn't dare hurt me over this- not after being moved by my deep, riveting way with words."

"Scratch that, Franziska won't murder you- she'll whip you until there's nothing left."

"Oh, ye of little faith…" Larry sighed with a disappointed look on his face as he slowly shook his head.

"If those two 'love letters' you wrote all those years back, and I use the term very loosely, are of any indication, then only faith that I require at this moment is where I believe your soul will go after being whipped to death." Edgeworth groaned, trying his hardest to block out the painful memory of Larry's love/blackmail letters and the many headaches that they caused.

"Well, after I read you my masterpiece, maybe your tone will change…" Larry mused with a hope-filled smile as he picked up his book, which the Chief Prosecutor responded to by taking out his cellphone.

"Or perhaps I could instead- Hey!" Edgeworth snapped as his annoying childhood friend quickly snatched the phone away and put it in his pocket.

"You'll get this back after I'm done." Larry said in a similar tone that a parent would use when disciplining a rowdy child. "Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride…"

 _And hopefully we'll crash into a wall right at the start, putting me out of my misery… Who am I kidding? The universe isn't that kind._ The Chief Prosecutor bitterly thought as he braced himself for what was yet to come.

"Once upon a time…" Larry said in his best narrating voice, trying his very best to sound soothing but instead coming off as some kind of lecher.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a kingdom known as Larry Land. Larry Land was a cool place, filled with all kinds of awesome magic things, like unicorns, and fairies, and gangs of large talking mosquitoes dressed like bikers that scared young children. But all that stuff was nothing compared to the majesty and splendor of its awesome king, King Larry, the greatest person to ever live.

Now King Larry, despite his humble nature, was the handsomest man to ever live and all the women loved him. But who could blame them, what with his chiseled features, large muscles, and cute tushie?

However, one day, tragedy struck the peaceful kingdom of Larry Land- King Larry was missing! Chaos was rampant as people frantically searched for their awesome and hot ruler. For without King Larry's awesome, mirror-like pecs reflecting and focusing life-giving sunlight on the land, all life would surely perish!

So without wasting any time, the leader of King Larry's Royal Guard, Pearl, a young but incredibly strong girl, set out to get the help of the strongest, bravest person in all the land- not a knight, mercenary, or wandering hero, but an ordinary woman named Franzy.

Franzy lived the simple life of a farmer. Sure, it was a lonely life, but it made her kind, hardworking, and a master of the whip. But while Franzy loved her simple life, she couldn't help but feel sad that she couldn't flock after the hot King Larry like all the other girls, doomed to be forever invisible to his dreamy brown eyes. However, all that would soon change as Pearl approached her.

"Are you Ms. Franzy?" Pearl frantically asked with a look of panic on her face as the lovely farm girl tended to her crops.

"Why, yes I am." Franzy chirped as she stopped what she was doing. "How can I be of service?"

"Our smart, handsome, and cool leader, King Larry, has been kidnapped!" The young girl shrieked.

"What kind of sick, twisted fool would kidnap such a kind soul whose only crime is being so awesome and "handsome?!" Franzy snarled with a clenched fist.

"The ugly, vile, evil Queen Donna, who lives in that accursed castle over there!" Pearl exclaimed with a scowl as she pointed to a large, foreboding black castle on a mountain far off in the horizon with storm clouds looming above it. "She hates King Larry for dumping her last week for being a cold, uncaring harlot, stating that if she can't have him, no one can! Which brings me to why I'm here: We need you to save King Larry from that mean lady!"

"M-Me…?" Franzy meekly asked, a mixed look of shock and confusion forming on her face as she lightly put a hand to her chest. You must be mistaken, young girl, for I am but a simple farmer. How could I possibly be more helpful than all the knights in the kingdom?"

"Our knights may be very, very strong and love King Larry a lot, but yours is purer and more special than all theirs put together. And it's only with that kind of love that anyone can pass through Queen Donna's barrier of hate. Plus, it would be so romantic if you saved King Larry and you both got married! It would be like something out of a fairy-tale!" Pearl cooed with her hands on her now tomato-red cheeks.

"You… You think that the wonderful, awesome, magnificent King Larry would be interested in a girl like me?" Franzy asked, a small smile forming on her face as her own cheeks turned red.

"Of course! If you save him, his heart will be yours!" Pearl joyfully exclaimed, practically bouncing on the tips of her toes out of excitement. "And if he refuses to love you, I'll make him!" The Royal Guard growled, her joyful expression morphing into a scowl as she rolled up her sleeve and held up a clenched fist.

"In that case, I'm off to save our smart, handsome, and funny king!" Franzy proclaimed with a look of fiery determination on her face.

Wonderful! The shortest path to Queen Donna's castle is by crossing the Muddygoop River down that way." Pearl stated with a smile as she pointed to a nearby dirt path that led through a small forest. "Good luck, Miss Franzy! May your quest be a huge success!"

"Don't worry, young Royal Guard, for I shall try my best!" The farmer replied as she made her way down the path, taking the first steps towards her destiny.

* * *

Upon arriving at the Muddygoop River, Franzy could see that it was appropriately named. The river was a shade of brown similar to chocolate and was bubbling like a cup of soda. But even if the river wasn't that gross to look at, no one in their right mind would dare get in the water on account of it being filled with deadly crocodile-shark-walruses and hostile mermaids that robbed passerbyers of their hard-earned cash.

Thankfully, there was a nearby riverboat that Franzy could use to cross the treacherous waters. But unfortunately, it was owned by Slick Nick, a man infamous for never setting his friends up with the hot girls he knows and never returning money he borrows. … Hey, don't give me that look, Edgey! I'm gonna return your money soon enough! Now, where was I…? Oh, right!

Even though Franzy knew Slick Nick was nothing but trouble, she decided to put aside her worries and seek out his help. After all, who could say no to someone who was trying to save King Larry, the nicest man to ever live?

Upon boarding the ship, Franzy saw Slick Nick wearing his big cowboy hat, which barely hid his spiky hair, tight blue jeans, and black leather cowboy boots as he twiddled a toothpick in his mouth and grinned at her.

"Hello, I need your help to cross this most treacherous river. Can you please help me?" Franzy innocently asked, flashing the seedy man her best puppy dog eyes in the hopes of swaying him.

"How much cash you got?" Slick Nick tersely replied.

"Five dollars." The farm girl said as she took out a single green bill. "Is that enough?"

"Depends. You feel like swimming?" Slick Nick sneered.

"But that's all the money I have. Can't you make an exception for one trying to save the cool and handsome King Larry?" Franzy pleaded as tears began to form in her eyes.

"King Larry, you say?" The seedy riverboat operator asked as a scowl spread across his face.

"Yes, he's been kidnapped and only I can save him. Won't you help me?"

"Me, help King Larry? Never!" Slick Nick snarled.

"How could you say something so heartless? King Larry has cured all diseases, made the weather permanently nice, and is a good listener. He's a saint!" Franzy roared, pulling at her whip as she glared daggers at the sleazy man.

"Exactly! That son of a gun makes the rest of us guys look bad! I hope he's never saved!"

"But without King Larry's super-hot pecs, the kingdom will freeze over!"

"Well, you won't have to worry about that." Slick Nick replied as a sinister toothy grin spread across his face.

"Why not?" Franzy asked with a confused look.

"Because you're staying for lunch."

"No thanks. I just ate an hour ago."

"That's ok. We can have a good date whether you're hungry or not!"

"I'm not your date, you foolish fool!" Franzy roared with a look of fiery rage in her eyes.

"Come on, girl! Hahahaha! Ya wanna go out for lunch…?" Slick Nick asked in a creepy tone, his arms extended out and his fingers doing a creepy grabbing motion as he slowly walked towards Franzy.

However, the brave farm girl wouldn't have any of that. So without wasting any time, she lashed Slick Nick in the face with her whip, sending him flying back over the riverboat's railing and into the muddy river below.

Of course, Slick Nick tried to swim back to shore, but before he could, three hot ebony-haired mermaids grabbed onto him and started taking money from his pockets.

"Get away, that's my money!" The seedy riverboat operator snapped as he struggled in vain against the mermaids, who continued looting his pockets as if he said nothing.

"I want burgers!" One of the mermaids yelled.

"I want _Steel Samurai_ stuff!" Another mermaid chimed in.

"I want burgers AND _Steel Samurai_ stuff!" The third mermaid chirped.

"Nooo!" Slick Nick screamed at the top of his lungs as the three ebony-haired beauties dragged him beneath the surface of the Muddygoop River, never to be seen again.

Even if Franzy had wanted to mourn Slick Nick's death, she knew she couldn't. After all, with each passing second that King Larry and his infinite stores of wisdom were absent, Larry Land was at an increased risk of civil war, in addition to the world freezing over. So without wasting another second, Franzy commandeered the riverboat and sailed it to the other side of the Muddygoop River.

Afterwards, Franzy proceeded to make her way towards Queen Donna's castle of evil- crossing vast fields, venturing through dark forests, and climbing really tall mountains, all while whipping anything or anyone that dared to get in the way of her noble quest.

* * *

Eventually, Franzy reached the mountainous path leading up to Queen Donna's castle, but right in the middle of the road was a lavish table where Lord Edgey von Snootyton was enjoying his lunch, which consisted of Brussels sprouts and smelly cheese.

Now this guy was one of the most hated people in all of Larry Land- thinking he's sooo fancy with his frilly pink suit, big fluttery bib, and bitter tea which he drank from a little cup! However, Franzy, being the kind woman she was, bore no ill will towards the snotty aristocrat. But unfortunately for her, Edgey wasn't quite nearly as nice.

"Halt! Just where do you think you're going?" Edgey bellowed in an arrogant, posh tone.

"I'm off to save King Larry, so if you could just move out of the way for a second so I can-" Franzy meekly stated, only to be cutoff by the aristocrat slamming his fist on his table made from the bones of baby kittens, otters, and unicorns.

"And interrupt _MY_ teatime? I think not! Do you know who I am, you filthy mouth-breather? I am Lord Edgey von Snootyton, the handsomest and most magnificent man to ever live!"

"Lies! King Larry is way handsomer than you!" Franzy objected, rightfully glaring daggers at the snobby aristocrat for his blasphemous remark.

"Ha! That plebeian couldn't hold a candle to my greatness! For unlike that filthy pauper, I eat at only the fanciest of restaurants, bathe on a daily basis, and exclusively use the metric system. I'm _sooo_ wonderful!" Edgey smirked with outstretched arms.

"Shut your foolish mouth! You have no right to insult King Larry and all his hotness!" Franzy yelled as she angrily pointed towards the rude aristocrat.

"Listen, darling, unless you get all your information from peer-reviewed sources, I have nothing to say to you. Wait. Hold on a second…" Edgey stated as he began to thoroughly scan Franzy from top to bottom with much interest, as if he was studying some exotic creature. "Yes, yes… Perhaps with a few refinements, this could work..."

"What are you rambling on about?" Franzy asked with a look of unease.

"It's your lucky day, peasant. I shall move out of your way." Edgey arrogantly stated with outstretched arms.

"You will? Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Franzy squealed with joy, the joy in her spirit shining like her beautiful smile and sparkling grey eyes.

"However, I will only do so under the condition that you become my wife."

"What?!" Franzy reeled back at the very notion of marrying someone who was so mean, unlike King Larry who'd wish girls a happy birthday in person right as soon as the day began at midnight, even if the swamp witch Katty Tom said it was creepy and called the cops on him for it. "Never!"

"Getting cold feet, are we? Well, I don't blame you. After all, I _am_ a handsome godlike being who is too good for mere mortals. But don't worry. With a bit of work, you have the potential to be a passable wife worthy of being the mother to the greatest generation of children to ever live, only second to my magnificence, of course. So, will you agree to marry me, to make your pathetic life actually worth living?"

"I would rather die than marry a mean, arrogant fool like you!" Franzy hissed with a tone of pure venom.

"You dare to refuse me, the great and all-powerful Lord Edgey von Snootyton!? Do you not know the power and wealth I possess?! Why, I have so much money that I can buy and sell you over and over again for the rest of time!" The aristocrat roared, getting up from his seat and strutting over to Franzy. "Why, I ought to...!"

"Listen here, Lord Edgey!" Franzy growled as she lightly poked the pompous jerk in the chest. "I-"

Though before Franzy could begin chastising Edgey, he started screaming in agony, gripping his chest as he weakly took a few steps back.

"Dear me, I've been wounded! My perfect body… BRUISED! Oh, what a word, what a world…! Who could have thought that an insignificant mouth-breather such as yourself could wound _me_!?" The arrogant meanie wailed as he fell to the ground and began flopping about like a fish out of water.

"Umm… Are you ok?" Franzy asked with a concerned look on her face as she hesitantly walked over to Lord Edgey to help him up, only for him to start rolling down the road as he continued flopping.

"I'm going! I'm going! Ooooooooh…!" Edgey loudly moaned as he rolled into the dark woods that Franzy had just exited minutes prior.

Seeing that her way was clear, Franzy made her way up the mountain, dodging flaming boulders dipped in radioactive acid and vegemite as she continued her journey to the summit with unwavering determination, fueled by her desire to hug King Larry and run her fingers through his soft, silky hair which made babies' skin feel like sandpaper by comparison.

* * *

Eventually, Franzy arrived at Queen Donna's evil castle, where a dark force field blocked off the giant metal doors. However, with one lash of her whip, Franzy shattered the force field and entered the castle, gazing upon the horrors of its tacky beige carpet, ugly seafoam-painted walls, and a creepy cat painting with eyes that followed you wherever you went.

But Franzy was not one to let some ugly decor get in the way of her quest to save the rad and super-hot King Larry, so she rushed forth, dodging all sorts of traps- trapdoors in the floor, giant axes swinging from the ceiling, huge man-eating plants, eagles, tigers, eagles carrying tigers- as she made her way through the castle, taking down all of Queen Donna's guards with her whip in the process. And after many trials and tribulations, the brave, beautiful farm girl reached the deepest part of the castle and found herself in front of a large, black steel door.

Mustering up her courage, Franzy took a deep breath before kicking open the door and rushing inside to confront the evil queen who dared to kidnap the awesome, strong, smart, handsome, muscular, wonderful, grand, hot, magnificent, splendiferous King Larry.

Franzy then found herself in Queen Donna's throne room, where the fat queen, who was round like a boulder and had 50 chins, sat upon her ugly grey felt throne eating a turkey leg.

"Who dares to interrupt my 43rd lunch?!" Donna screeched in a voice shrill enough to shatter glass and the hopes and dreams of any man, no matter how strong or handsome they were.

"Me, Franzy, a simple farmer and loyal servant to His Super-Hot-and-Awesomeness, King Larry! Now where in this foolish castle are you keeping him?" The farm girl demanded, her hands firmly on her hips as she glared daggers at the evil queen.

"Right here." Donna sneered, snapping her pudgy fingers together- a sound which was more reminiscent to jiggling Jell-O than snapping fingers- which caused the rope that was wrapped around the limp, buff, unconscious torso of King Larry to descend from an opening in the ceiling for the really hot farm girl to see.

"King Larry!" Franzy gasped with saucer-sized eyes, reeling back at the sight of her beloved ruler in such a sad state.

"Doesn't he make just the cutest decoration? He really brightens the place up." Donna tittered. "After all, he didn't hesitate to cast me aside like a piece of trash once he was through with me."

"King Larry-" Franzy stopped midsentence upon noticing the multi-talented king's chiseled face was marred with a hideous black eye. "A black eye!? How is that possible when King Larry's skin is as smooth and hard as a rock? What dark magic did you use on him?!"

"Thank you, but this wasn't my doing." Donna smirked. "No, it was the work of my new boyfriend, Keith, who'll have the job of escorting you out. Oh, Keith…!"

The evil queen snapped her fingers once more, creating a dark purple portal which Keith emerged from.

Now Keith was your run-of-the-mill goblin- green skin, big nose, gnarly teeth, bad odor- but unlike others of his kind, he wore a hoodie with the sleeves torn off. Not to mention, Keith was ten-feet-tall and had big, bulging biceps that were wider than most trees. But that shouldn't be surprising considering you'd need that kind of strength at the very least to even so much as scratch King Larry.

"Keith, be a dear and teach this uppity peasant what we do to intruders around here." Donna sneered at her big, stupid servant.

"Yes, Queen. Keith punch good!" The goblin proudly bellowed while beating his chest like some smelly gorilla.

Keith tried to punch Franzy, but she was too fast for the beast that reeked of cheap cologne and dodged his powerful fists with several quick leaps. Franzy continued to do this until she spotted her chance to attack and unleashed a barrage of powerful lashes from her whip on his ugly face. Covering his wounded eyes, Keith wailed in pain as he stumbled back towards Queen Donna.

"No, no! Go forward, Keith, go forward, not back!" Donna shrieked, her eyes filled with terror as she wobbled back and forth in a vain attempt to get out of the way.

But unfortunately for Donna, she was too fat to move. Thus, Keith's large unconscious body fell back on her, crushing the evil, ugly queen like a bug. The impact, in addition to ridding the world of the evil Queen Donna, shook the castle, causing the rope holding King Larry to break and him to fall to the ground.

"King Larry!" Franzy shouted with much worry in her voice as she scurried over to her king, kneeling down next to his chiseled, hot, muscular body. "Please, King Larry, you must wake up! For the world would be a sad, desolate place without your dreamy brown eyes, commanding physique, and soothing, refined voice! Please speak to me so that I may learn that the world hasn't lost its greatest joy! Please…"

At that moment, a single tear fell from Franzy's eye onto King Larry's handsome face, causing him to regain consciousness.

"Hello there, beautiful maiden." King Larry weakly said as he flashed the svelte farm girl a smile brighter than a thousand suns.

"King Larry, you're ok!" Franzy squealed with delight.

"Of course I'm alright!" The King smirked. "If anything were to happen to me, I would be letting down so many people. But answer me, maiden most pure, are you the one who saved me from the clutches of Queen Donna?

"Yes, Your Magnificent Hotness, and I would do it again if it meant helping you."

"Well, in that case, it is my duty as king to give you a reward for your troubles."

"Why, Your Coolness, I could never! Seeing you safe is all the reward I need." Franzy modestly stated as she directed her gaze towards the ground.

"Nonsense, I couldn't possibly let a strong, kind, beautiful woman like you leave empty-handed. That is why I shall give you the opportunity to become my wife, ruling Larry Land by my side for the rest of our days. Will you make me the luckiest man in the world and become my queen?"

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" Franzy happily proclaimed before King Larry disintegrated the ropes restraining him using his hotness, allowing him to get up and hug the overjoyed farm girl.

And the next day, King Larry and Franzy got married at Larry Land Castle, where everyone in Larry City was happy for them- except all the women as they cried over the fact that they could never again date King Larry…

* * *

"And they lived happily ever after. The end." Larry stated as he closed the book and placed it on Edgeworth's desk. "So, Edgey, what did you think? Pretty good, eh?" The wannabe Casanova asked with a smug grin.

However, Edgeworth remained silent as he angrily huffed and glared daggers at his childhood friend.

"Ok, Edgey, what's with the weird grunting? You've been doing that ever since Lord Edgey von Snootyton was introduced and it's starting to creep me out." Larry nervously stated, only for his smug grin to almost instantly return. "Are you just stunned by how awesome my story was? Because if that's the case, I totally understand."

"If by 'awesome', you mean awesomely horrible, then yes it was." Edgeworth snarled through clenched teeth as he used every ounce of his energy to keep himself from leaping over his desk and strangling his childhood friend.

"Edgey, how can you say that?! _Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip_ is a masterpiece!" Larry yelled with clenched fists and jagged teeth, to which the Chief Prosecutor responded by slamming his palm on his desk.

"No, it was the worst story that I've ever heard! The plot was rushed, the bulk of the dialogue served only to stroke your overinflated ego, and worst of all, you had the gall to deface my character in such a tasteless fashion in regards to Lord Edgey von Snootyton!" Edgeworth shouted as he pointed a condescending finger at the wannabe Casanova. "It's one thing to mock Wright- everyone does it. In fact, we here at the Prosecutor's Office have made a contest out of it ever since Wright got his badge back by placing a scoreboard in the cafeteria and awarding the prosecutor to insult and/or injure him the most in a given week a $15 gift card to the restaurant of their choosing. But when you insult _me_ , you're crossing the line!"

"Hey, I didn't deface your character, I merely exaggerated a bit! Geez, talk about thin-skinned!"

"Larry, there's exaggeration, and then there's depicting me as frail, pompous, egotist who wants to have children with his sister!"

"Wait, Franzy really is your sister?" Larry asked as he cocked his head in confusion.

"Yes! Why do you think she calls me 'Little Brother'?" Edgeworth angrily retorted.

"Well, I always thought you were siblings in the sense that you're really close friends- y'know, when you're trapped in the friend zone." Larry grinned as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Because- no offense, dude- how could a hot babe like Franzy come from the same place as someone like you?"

"Franziska is my ADOPTIVE sister, you moronic prick!" Edgeworth roared, his face becoming visibly red after that last comment. "And we're going to have plenty of sibling bonding time when we sue you for everything you're worth- two dollars and a boatload of headaches and disappointment!"

"Hey, don't go shoving Franzy in your boat of bad tastes! She's a classy woman who I know will appreciate the nuanced plot and deep characters of _Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip_. I can imagine it now…" Larry cooed as a big goofy grin spread across his face and his cheeks started to redden. "Franzy running up to me, caressing me in her tender embrace as she thanks me for my contribution to the world of writing. We'll then start dating, making all the fans jump for joy as-"

However, Larry was suddenly cut off by the sound of Franziska, who was sitting in her office one floor below Edgeworth's, yelling into her phone.

"What foolish book are you talking about, Adrian Andrews…?! _Franzy's Whippity-Whip Trip_ …?! Please tell me that the author isn't… Of course it has to be that foolishly foolish fool! Now if you'll excuse me, I have important business to take care of…!

A few seconds later, loud stomps could be heard from outside Edgeworth's office door which progressively grew louder and louder, culminating in Franziska thrusting open the office door with a loud bang and staring inside with a look of pure rage and malice as she squeezed the life out of her poor whip.

"Miles Edgeworth, I need you to help me find- YOU!" Franziska roared, flashing a death glare at Larry as she pulled at her whip.

"Hello, Franzy." Larry amorously stated as he flashed the irate prosecutor his best bedroom eyes, as if he somehow had a chance of hooking up with her. "You're looking wonderful as usual. How would you-"

Though as expected, the wannabe Casanova was immediately cutoff by Franziska lashing him with her trusty whip.

"You foolishly foolish fool, putting me in your foolish story that was written for fools!" Franziska snarled. "I would never speak so kindly of you, and the only date that we'll be having is when I sue you for everything you own, which is probably just that foolish beret!"

"Already ahead of you, Franziska." Edgeworth nonchalantly stated as he opened one of his desk drawers and pulled out a few papers. "I'm starting to fill out the documents necessary for us to bring Larry to court."

"Good, Miles Edgeworth." Franziska replied with a sinister smirk. "If Larry Butz wishes to see how fierce I can be, I'll be more than happy to show him. Like this!"

"Ow!" Larry screamed in agony as the silver-haired prosecutor lashed him a second time with her whip.

"And this!" Franziska yelled as she lashed her despised admirer once again.

"Whip me all you want, Franzy, but you won't extinguish my burning passion! You'll merely give me the inspiration I need to create an even better sequel!" Larry proclaimed as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Not if I have anything to say about it, you foolishly foolish excuse for a fool!" Franziska snarled before proceeding to repeatedly lash Larry with her whip until he was rendered unconscious.


	4. An Ace Attorney Christmas

**A/N:** This fanfic will always hold a special place in my heart because when I wrote the final third of the initial version, I was suffering from a serious stomach virus. It was Christmas, and I was miserable- my stomach was in absolute pain, nothing I ate or drank stayed down, and the disease was starting to move south during the evening hours, if you know what I mean. Yet somehow, at the end of the day I managed to finish this story. I swear, sometimes I wonder if part of the reason why I made Sebastian pestering Simon with _Cory in the House_ part of my headcanon was because I was slaphappy and on the verge of passing out when I wrote it.

Also, before anyone asks, in my headcanon, upon being promoted to Chief Prosecutor, Edgeworth pulled a Gant by having Gumshoe promoted to Chief of Police. With Phoenix being disbarred at the time, Edgeworth would have been inclined to garner as much control over the legal system as he could in an attempt to fight the growing corruption brought on by the Dark Age of the Law. However, Gumshoe's money situation didn't improve for two reasons: his pay was so low that when he was promoted, the resulting raise was practically nothing; and Edgeworth is still cutting his pay. Sure, Gumshoe may not be Edgeworth's subordinate, but don't underestimate the Prosecutor King of Smug and Logic. It doesn't matter how high up you are, if Edgeworth wants to cut your pay, he's cutting your pay.

So with that little history lesson, I want to wish you all a happy holiday season filled with lots of joy and laughter and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

 **An Ace Attorney Christmas**

( **Time:** December 24 and 25, 2028)

It was the morning of Christmas Eve and Seymour Deels Mall was packed with people anxiously scurrying about, desperately trying to find gifts for their loved ones. And among these last-minute shoppers were Athena and Juniper.

"Alright Junie, are you ready to do some shopping?" Athena asked with a determined grin and her hands placed firmly on her hips, a sharp contrast to her friend who was slightly hunched over and trembling like a leaf.

"Well, that depends on how much shopping needs to be done." Juniper timidly stated as she scanned the area. "These crowds *cough* make me feel uncomfortable."

"Well, I've already purchased Mr. Wright and Apollo's presents, so that just leaves… everyone except Mr. Wright and Apollo."

"Thena!" Juniper gasped as she put a hand to her mouth. "It's the day before Christmas! How could you put off your gift shopping for so long?"

"Look, I've been busy at the Anything Agency and it slipped my mind. But don't you worry, Junie. We've got this!" Athena jovially proclaimed as she flashed her friend a peace sign.

"B-But the stores will probably be picked clean! What if we can't find a gift for someone?" The nature-loving girl whimpered as she pulled at her pigtails, her eyes filling up with tears.

"Look, since Mr. Wright's Christmas party is a casual thing, we don't have to buy tangible gifts for every single person. For Maya and Bucky, I'll get them gift cards, so that shouldn't be a concern. So that just leaves…" Athena cocked her head to the side as she tried to remember who else would be at the gathering who she actually cared about. "Simon, Trucy, the beautiful Prosecutor Gavin, and Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth.

Juniper took a deep whiff from one of the sunflowers on her hat to help calm herself down. "Alright, that doesn't seem too bad."

"That's the spirit, Junie! Let's go!" Athena exclaimed, slamming her fist into her hand with an excited grin on her face before grabbing her friend by the arm and forcing their way through the crowds on the way to their first stop.

* * *

The first stop on the duo's list was From the Commercials, a store known for selling any item ever promoted in a television commercial, no matter how tacky and/or unnecessary it was. However, despite the huge selection, Athena was interested in a particular kind of item as she scoured the store from top to bottom.

"Junie, help me find something _Hello Kitty_ -related for Simon." Athena requested as she got down on her knees and began meticulously searching one of the lower shelves.

" _Hello Kitty_? For a guy who's been in prison for 7 years?" Juniper asked with a confused look on her face. "Don't you think that he's a bit… outside of their main demographic?"

"Don't be silly, Junie!" Athena said with a wave of her hand. "Simon's always raving on about how much he loves anime, so he's gotta love _Hello Kitty_! It's like the anime equivalent of that one pony show that so many older guys like."

"I don't know, Thena…" The aspiring judge reluctantly stated.

"Junie, you've got to stop- I found something! What do you think of _this_?" Athena smirked as she pulled out a burger press shaped like Hello Kitty's head.

"A burger press? Has Simon ever even seen a hamburger?"

"Sure, Simon may have gone on record saying that he'll eat a hamburger when Hell freezes over and they manage to create an English anime dub that's on par with the original Japanese version, but this could encourage him to give them a try."

"Well, you know him better than me." Juniper replied with a sad sigh as she followed her friend to the checkout area.

* * *

The duo's next stop was Merlin's Magic Hut, a business that made itself stand out by not only being the mall's sole magic store, but by also having a large plastic statue of a wizard donned in a blue robe covered in yellow stars and a matching pointed hat who was holding a colorful book in one hand and a magic wand in the other.

"So what are we buying here?" Juniper asked as she and Athena entered the crowded store filled with screaming children.

"Well, unlike Simon, I know exactly what Trucy wants: a deck of Blaine Wacky Cards. Now where are those cards…?" The yellow-cladded attorney asked herself as she scanned the store.

"Thena, over there!" Juniper exclaimed as she pointed over to a shelf with a sign taped to it labeled 'Blaine Wacky Cards', where only a single pack of cards was present.

Good eye, Junie!" Athena cheered as she flashed her friend a peace sign. "And it looks like there's still one pack left!"

However, when the yellow-cladded attorney tried to take the pack, she was stopped by Betty, who put her hand on the cards at the same time.

Hey Betty! What a surprise seeing you here!" Athena chirped, her smiling face contrasting with the magician's cold eyes.

"I'm a magician. How is it surprising that I'd be in a magic shop?" Betty asked with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"It's not. I was just trying to break the ice." Athena calmly replied as she gently attempted to pull the pack out of the magician's hand. "Um, so do you mind letting go of the cards? They're my Christmas gift to Trucy."

"No, they're _my_ gift to Bonny." Betty hissed as she tried to rip the cards out of the yellow-cladded attorney's grasp.

"Too bad, I saw them first!"

"But I'm actually a magician, so I outrank you!" Betty angrily retorted.

"C'mon, I need to get a gift for Trucy and these cards are the only thing that I know she really wants for Christmas!" Athena pleaded as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Well, Bonny and I want to be famous magicians, but we can't because of that spoiled little princess and her stupid lineage!" Betty snapped.

"But Trucy has shown you and your sister nothing but kindness, even when you both almost got her convicted of murder. So can't you find it in your heart to let me give her the cards?"

"Trucy's magic panties may contain many things, but they don't hold any f&%#$ from me!" Betty snarled.

"Do you recite magic words with that potty mouth?" Athena gasped. "What am I saying? In order to have magic words, you have to first have an actual trick."

"You wanna magic trick!? Well, here's one you'll really like: I'll make you see stars with a wave of my hand!" Betty roared as she tried to hit Athena with the cane that she was holding in her free hand.

Though unfortunately for the young magician, Athena countered the attack by grabbing the cane before using it to flip Betty and slam her back onto the ground with a loud thud, rendering her unconscious.

"Thena!" Juniper exclaimed, covering her mouth with both hands out of shock.

"What? If I didn't do something, _I'd_ be the one laying there unconscious." Athena replied as she ripped the pack of cards out of Betty's limp hand.

"Yes, but you didn't have to knock her out. *cough* What if she *cough* calls the police when she wakes up and presses charges? *cough* *cough*" Juniper asked before calming herself down with her sunflower inhaler.

"If she does, I'll plead self-defense. Everyone in this store saw what happened and would be willing to testify. Right, guys?" Athena asked the other customers, all of whom respond by saying nothing and trying their best not to look at the two girls so as not to get involved. "Fine, but if any of you guys ever get arrested and need the Anything Agency's help, don't come crying to me! C'mon Junie, let's get out of here!" The yellow-cladded attorney huffed as she marched over to the cash register.

"D-Don't listen to her, she wouldn't abandon any of you in your times of need." Juniper timidly stated to the other customers in order to prevent them from getting a bad impression of her and her friend. "She's just a little stressed out because of the holiday season. But if you had the chance to get to know her, you'd see that she's-"

"Are you coming, Junie?" Athena called out as she walked towards the exit.

"Sorry, Thena!" The aspiring judge called out as she chased after her friend.

* * *

The duo's next stop was the mall's toy store, Toys Have We, a large place filled to the brim with all the newest playthings. However, it wasn't like the duo could confirm that for themselves on account of all the people crowding the entrance, thereby making the act of merely getting into the store nearly impossible.

"Wow, Thena, that's a lot of people. Maybe we should go somewhere else." Juniper meekly suggested upon noticing the wall of shoppers clogging the entrance.

"No way, Junie. According to my research, this is the only store in L.A. that still has the Limited-Edition Tenth Anniversary Pink Princess action figure with kung-fu grip and a mini Iron Infant in stock, a.k.a. the perfect gift for a _Samurai_ series fan like Mr. Edgeworth."

"But how are we going to get through that crowd? A frail girl like me will get tossed around like a ball in a park." Juniper whimpered as she covered her eyes with her hat.

"Don't worry, Junie. I've got a plan..." Athena replied, a mischievous smirk spreading across her face as she shifted her gaze to some nearby shopping carts.

* * *

Using a shopping cart as a battering ram, Athena, with Juniper sitting in the cart and clinging to the sides for dear life, rushed into the store, using the leg strength that she gained from countless morning jogs to help her plow down anyone foolish enough to stand in her way. And with little effort, the duo soon made it to the aisle containing the Pink Princess action figures, which there is only one left.

However, the girls' attempt to get the action figure did not go unopposed, for from the other side of the aisle was Franziska, who clearly had a similar mindset to Athena based on the fact that she was also pushing a cart, with the person inside being Adrian Andrews.

The next few seconds felt eternal, the two women neither moving nor saying a single word, instead giving each other piercing, unblinking stares of pure determination. Both of them were focused on one thing: victory; and it was this focus that gave that section of the store a chilling presence that dissuaded even the most hardened of shoppers from even thinking about approaching the aisle, lest they pay for that foolish decision with their lives. Though funny enough, while the two lawyers were engaged in their standoff, each fiercely watching the other to see who would make the first move, their two friends were just awkwardly scanning the area, both feeling like mere bystanders at this point.

But suddenly, the silence was broken when both women decided to charge down the aisle at the same time towards each other like two medieval knights engaged in a jousting match, their carts colliding with a loud bang in the middle of the aisle, right in front of the action figure, with neither one refusing to give the other an inch.

"Athena Cykes, step aside so that I may purchase that toy! As a von Karma, it's my duty to give my little brother the perfect gift!"

"Never!" The yellow-cladded attorney snarled back.

"Well, it doesn't matter in the end whether or not you give up. For you see, I was trained by my papa from birth in the art of aggressive shopping. This is my dojo! This is my victory! This is my destiny!" Franziska triumphantly proclaimed with a smirk.

"Yeah, what Bestie said!" Adrian chimed in, trying her best to look intimidating.

"Well, did your papa teach you about the power of orange juice? Junie, Plan OJ!" Athena called out, prompting her friend to take out a bottle of orange juice, open it up, and pour it into her mouth so that she could keep pushing the cart.

Suddenly, like Popeye eating his spinach, Athena temporarily gained enough strength to push against Franziska's cart with enough power to send her flying all the way back down the aisle and into a display shelf. Taking advantage of this opportunity, the yellow-cladded attorney wasted no time in grabbing the action figure and making a beeline dash for the checkout counter.

Though being a von Karma, Franziska was never one to give up so easily- a trait that became all the more apparent when Adrian tackled Athena to the ground the second she left the store, sitting on Big Red's back while restraining her arms.

"How's your grip so strong? You're like a vise!" Athena exclaimed as she squirmed in a futile attempt to free herself from Adrian's ironclad grasp.

"Ordinary and completely-legal exercises that do not include scaling the outside of the Prosecutor's Office to sneak into Bestie's office. But that's not important. Bestie really needs that action figure for Mr. Edgeworth, so could you find it in your heart to give it to her?" The obsessive blonde politely asked, almost as if she had forgotten that she had just violently tackled Athena and was currently pinning her to the ground.

But before Athena could object, she was greeted to the sharp snap of Franziska cracking the air with her whip as she sauntered up to her with a sneer.

"Now, Athena Cykes, you have two options: either give me the action figure…" The silver-haired prosecutor paused to crack the air with her whip. "or face the wrath of von Karma. The choice is yours."

"Junie! Help!" Athena called out, looking to her friend who was cowering back at the entrance with a look of terror in her eyes.

"Athena, hold your breath!" Juniper yelled, mustering up her courage as she reached into her sleeve and pulled out a clenched fist before running over to her friend, to which the attorney replied to by puffing out her cheeks and nodding.

Upon seeing that her friend was holding her breath, Juniper threw a green powder at Franziska and Adrian.

"Ha!" Franziska sneered as she waggled her finger. "Was that the best you foolishly foolish fools could muster? I… I…" The silver-haired prosecutor's body suddenly went limp as she collapsed to the ground.

"Bes…tieeeee…" Adrian weakly replied as her body also went limp.

"Thanks Junie, I owe you one!" Athena sighed in relief as she pushed Adrian off of her, allowing her to get back up on her feet. "But out of curiosity, what was that weird powder that you threw at them?"

"Ground curare, a plant that's infamous for being a potent muscle relaxer." Juniper replied with a hint of anxiety in her voice, her hands clasped together and eyes darting around the area as she struggled to comprehend what she had just done.

"And you had that powder on you because…?" Athena asked with a slightly disturbed look on her face and a hand placed on her right hip.

"D-Don't look at me like that, Thena!" Juniper whimpered. "You'd carry around curare too if you went to a school where Professor Means taught students that the ends justify the means with that creepy smile on his face!"

"Don't worry, Junie. I'm not upset or anything. I'm just a little shocked that you actually are capable of self-defense, considering that you're so-" Athena was suddenly cut off by Juniper suffering from another coughing jag, which she quickly recovered from thanks to her sunflower inhaler. "That."

"Oh, okay!" The aspiring judge chirped, the anxious expression on her face being replaced by a warm smile. "So where are we going for Prosecutor Gavin's gift?"

"Nowhere, because I can very easily get it myself. Thanks for all the help today, Junie!" Athena replied with a toothy grin as she flashed her friend a peace sign.

"What are friends for? See you at Mr. Wright's party tomorrow!" Juniper stated with a smile, waving to her friend before starting to walk towards the exit, only to be stopped by Athena calling out to her.

"Wait, what about them?" The yellow-cladded attorney asked, gesturing to Franziska and Adrian's limp bodies that were jittering in a vain attempt to move. "Shouldn't we call an ambulance?"

"Yes, but let's do it outside. That way, we can help the paramedics locate them easier; as well as get some distance in case they recover before then and try to retaliate."

"Good idea, Junie." Athena stated as they made their way to the mall's exit.

* * *

The next day at the Anything Agency, Phoenix, Maya, Athena, Trucy, Pearl, Juniper, Edgeworth, Gumshoe, Franziska, Kay, Larry, Klavier, Sebastian, Simon, and Bucky were all present, some sitting on the couches and others standing, while their gifts of varying shapes and sizes were placed in a pile off to the side. The atmosphere was one of light-heartedness and joviality as the room was filled with the sound of small talk, which was suddenly forced into silence when Phoenix stood up and flicked his finger into the bottle of grape juice he was holding.

"I would like to thank everyone for taking time out of their busy schedules to come here today. This year has been an eventful one here at the Anything Agency, with Apollo-"

"Get on with it, Nick! I wanna open my presents!" Maya yelled, her cheeks puffed out in rage.

"Ja, Herr Wright." Klavier chimed in, his demeanor oddly more dour than normal. "Maybe if you weren't giving so many sappy speeches, Fräuline Detective would have come here. But what do I know about Fräuline Detective? Apparently, she would rather celebrate the holidays in some backwater country with her junge huren Herr Flutter and Herr Forehead than here with us!"

"Thanks Maya and Prosecutor Gavin, it wasn't as if I had a heart-warming speech that I spent three hours trying to come up with." Phoenix groaned as he sat back down.

"Oh, like you would have succeeded?" Klavier bitterly retorted with a cold look in his eyes as he started snapping his fingers? "My heart's cold, Herr Wright, cold like ice after Herr Flutter stole away the fire that was Fräuline Detective from my life… n-not that I have any feelings for her or anything." The former rock star defensively stated, though was betrayed by the tiniest hint of red in his cheeks. "She's just a really good detective who's not only great as her job, but allows me to have an easier time interrogating criminals by being the bad cop to my good."

"Ok, moving on." Phoenix stated, trying his best to shift the mood of the party away from depressing and back to merry. "Who wants to start the gift-giving show?"

"I think I'll go first." Edgeworth smirked as he pulled several envelopes from his coat which he proceeded to hand out to everyone. "I think that you all will enjoy these."

Though unfortunately for the Chief Prosecutor, that statement couldn't have been any further from the truth.

"What the-" Kay screeched upon opening up her envelope.

"Really, Edgeworth? A bond?" Phoenix asked as he flashed his childhood friend a disgruntled look.

"Thanks for the gift, Herr Scrooge." Klavier responded with a tone of pure venom.

"Yer banned from the Whet Noodle fer a billion years!" Bucky exclaimed as he rocked back and forth in his seat, making it obvious to everyone that he decided to celebrate the holidays early with the bottle.

"What's a $100 bond?" Sebastian asked with a confused look on his face, staring at the slip of paper as if it was some strange alien artifact. "Does this mean that I can buy James Bond for $100?"

"No, Deworste, it means that Edgeworth-dono has given each of us 100 dollars that we can't use for FIVE YEARS!" Simon snarled as he flashed his superior a death glare.

"Oh, so I'm the bad guy because I want to teach you people the virtues of patience and saving your money?" Edgeworth bitterly asked with crossed arms, having been clearly offended by how his so-called friends were villainizing his generous act.

"Yes!" Maya yelled, her face as red as a ripe tomatoe with rage. "I don't wanna learn, I wanna buy burgers!"

"Doesn't Wright already serve that purpose?" Edgeworth snidely asked.

"Yes, but it would be nice to buy burgers for a change without hearing him whine about how I'm 'draining him dry'!" Maya replied with over-the-top finger quotes.

"Yeah, be reasonable, Mr. Edgeworth!" Gumshoe chimed in. "I can't wait five years to cash this money! I'll starve by then! Couldn't you just give me a check for $100 instead?"

"You should be thankful that I'm giving you any sort of money instead of cutting your pay!" Edgeworth snapped, slamming his palm on the couch arm to emphasize his point.

"But Mr. Edgeworth, I can't wait five years to use this money to plan Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya's wedding! She'll be barren and saggy by then and Mr. Nick will drop her like a hot potato!" Pearl pleaded.

"PEARLY!" Maya reeled back in shock.

"I love you, Mystic Maya, but we have to face the facts: your biological clock is ticking, and when it runs out of time, Mr. Nick won't be able to bake any buns in your oven even if he wants to!" Pearl yelled, rolling up her sleeve and clenching her fist as she glared daggers at the Chief Prosecutor.

"How could you ruin Christmas like this, Edgey!? You're lame! C'mon everyone, say it with me! Edgey is lame! Edgey is lame! Edgey is lame!" Larry started angrily chanting as he pumped his fists in the air.

Soon enough, everyone in the room except Edgeworth, Franziska, and Juniper joined Larry in chanting 'Edgey is lame!' over and over again, leaving the Chief Prosecutor besides himself as he leaned back in his seat in the hopes that he could somehow disappear if he made himself smaller. But thankfully for Edgeworth, the chanting came to a quick end when Franziska lashed all of the participants with her trusty whip.

"You foolish fools ought to be ashamed of yourselves for this foolishly foolish foolhardy protesting!" Franziska snapped as she pulled at her whip. "Miles Edgeworth found it in his heart to get each and every one of you a gift, and this is the thanks he gets…? Don't listen to them, Miles Edgeworth, it was a perfect gift." The silver-haired prosecutor waggled her finger as she flashed her 'little' brother a surprisingly warm grin.

"Thank you, Franziska." Edgeworth sighed in relief as he sat back up in his seat.

"It reminds me of how Papa would give us bonds for our birthdays." Franziska replied with a longing look of nostalgia in her eyes, prompting her 'little' brother's grey orbs to fill with dread.

"I am so sorry about this everyone. I'm becoming my adoptive father…!" Edgeworth bemoaned as he squeezed his left bicep.

 _In regards to your outfit, that ship's already sailed._ Phoenix thought to himself as a smirk spread across his face.

"For your information, Wright, I continue to wear this outfit not because of von Karma, but because it's sophisticated _and_ fashionable- something that can't be said about that trashy vagabond attire that you donned for close to seven years." Edgeworth snidely retorted with outstretched arms.

"How did you-" Phoenix reeled back out of shock.

"Wright, despite being an ex-poker star, your body language is incredibly easy to read. Now, can we please move onto other gifts?" Edgeworth nonchalantly requested, wanting nothing more than to move past his failed presents.

"I'll go next; but because of Edgey's stunt, I'm too hurt to give gifts to anyone except Franzy." Larry huffed.

"I.e. you forgot to buy gifts for everyone else." The Chief Prosecutor smirked.

"Sh-shut up, you bond-giver!" Larry snapped with jagged teeth. "Here you go, Franzy!" The wannabe Casanova amorously stated, his tone suddenly shifting from one of anger to one of joy as he took an envelope out of the fashion crime that was his coat and handed it to the silver-haired prosecutor.

However, instead anything that even remotely resembled a gift, the envelope only contained a single note reading 'Look up…' followed by a heart that had a big goofy, cartoonish smiley face. And upon doing just that, Franziska was greeted to the sight of Larry leaning towards her with closed eyes and puckered lips, an action that prompted the silver-haired prosecutor to knock the wannabee Casanova to the ground with a swift punch to the jaw before assaulting him with a barrage of lashes from her trusty whip until he was unconscious.

"Well, that put me in a festive mood." Franziska chirped. "So perhaps I should give out my gifts. Phoenix Wright…" The spiky-haired attorney got whipped in the shoulder. "Maya Fey…" The Master of Kurain let out an eek of pain as the whip hit her arm. "Sebastian Debeste…" The naïve prosecutor started crying a little when his torso fell victim to the whip. "Larry Butz…" Instead of whipping the unconscious fool, the silver-haired prosecutor opted to instead stomp on his stomach. "Scruffy…"

"Please don't whip me, sir! It's Christmas!" Gumshoe pleaded with a tone of pure terror as he shielded his face with his meaty hands.

However, instead of being physically abused yet again, the Chief of Police was instead handed a check, much to his surprise.

"A check for $500! I… I don't know what to say! T-Thank you, sir!" Gumshoe rejoiced before kissing the slip of paper.

"What can I say?" Franziska smirked with a waggle of her finger. "Even though you're a fool, you're a hard worker and deserve it… along with this." The silver-haired prosecutor proceeded to lash Gumshoe with a quick crack of her whip. "And finally, Miles Edgeworth. Merry Christmas, Little Brother." Franziska warmly stated as he pulled out an envelope and handed it to her adopted brother.

Upon opening up the envelope, Edgeworth couldn't help but smile upon seeing that his 'big' sister shared his taste in gifts.

"A bond for $200…" The Chief Prosecutor chuckled with a shake of his head. "Some things never change. Thank you, Franziska."

"My turn! My Turn!" Maya screamed out in her usual bubbly voice, effectively ruining the touching sibling moment that was happening just seconds prior. "Merry Christmas, Nick!" The burger-loving spirit medium chirped as she thrusted a shoddily-made coupon book into her friend's hands.

"'30 coupons that entitle the bearer to have Maya Fey obey their refusal to one of her requests.'" Phoenix said with a disgruntled look on his face as he read the cover of his 'gift'. "I don't think that actually listening to me for a change counts as a gift, Maya."

"Ugh! You're such a grumpy geezer, Nick!" Maya yelled with clenched fists, puffing her cheeks out in anger. "Would it kill you to just take the gift and be grateful that I thought about you?"

"Well, speaking of gifts…" Phoenix replied by taking a box from the pile of larger presents. "Here you go, Ma-"

Before the spiky-haired lawyer could finish his sentence, Maya ripped the present out of his hands and began tearing away the paper with the ferocity of a rabid animal, only slowing down upon seeing her gift: the Steel Samurai's helmet.

"The Steel Samurai's helmet!? How'd you get this!?" Maya beamed, staring at the helmet as if it was the Holy Grail.

"Well, Global Studios has decided to make a brand new Steel Samurai helmet since this one is starting to rust in a few places, so they gave it to Mr. Powers, who then sent it to me as an apology gift for the Engarde incident. But I'm not done yet. Athena…" Phoenix stated as he pulled out another gift from the pile and handed it to his subordinate, who, like his assistant, wasted no time in opening it.

"An automatic juicer! You're the best boss ever, Mr. Wright!" Athena squealed as she hugged the device.

 _This will probably come back to haunt me._ "Pearls…" Phoenix said with the slightest hint of reluctance as he handed the young spirit medium a small rectangular present from the pile, the small feeling of fear he was feeling only growing as she unwrapped the present.

"A series of short romantic comedy stories…!" Pearl gasped as she held up a book with a big red heart on the cover. "Thank you, Mr. Nick! Now I'll be able to come with even more plans to get you and Mystic Maya married… even with Mr. Edgeworth trying to sabotage my efforts with his mean bonds!" Pearl growled as she flashed the Chief Prosecutor a death glare, which he responded to by merely huffing and crossing his arms.

 _And so the haunting begins…_ Phoenix thought to himself with a slightly disgruntled look on his face that almost immediately became more jovial. "Since Larry's still unconscious, I'll give him his gift later. So in the meantime, Merry Christmas, Trucy!" The spiky-haired attorney reached into his coat and handed his daughter a small wrapped rectangular box, which she, just like Maya and Athena had done with their gifts, ripped open without any hesitation.

"A pack of Blaine Wacky Cards! I love you, Daddy!" Trucy squealed as she gave Phoenix a bear hug.

"No fair, boss! You stole my gift idea!" Athena pouted with crossed arms.

"Sorry, Athena, I didn't know." Phoenix said with an awkward smile as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. "But if it's any consolation, it was a madhouse when I went to the magic shop yesterday and snagged one of the last two packs. Though good thing I went when I did, because I heard that about ten minutes after I left there was a huge fight over the last pack that resulted in one of the girls getting knocked out."

"R-Really, now…" Athena nervously replied.

"Yeah, but I don't know the full details behind the story. Though on a brighter note… For you, Gumshoe." Phoenix stated as he handed the Chief of Police a five dollar bill.

"Woo! Today's coming up Gumshoe! Thanks, pal!" Gumshoe exclaimed, kissing the money before shoving it in his trench coat's pocket.

"And finally, Edgeworth. Hopefully, you'll enjoy this gift much more than we enjoyed yours." Phoenix joked as he handed the Chief Prosecutor a long rectangular box from the pile of presents.

"Ha, ha, very funny, Wright." Edgeworth groaned with a roll of his eyes as he began to slowly unwrap his present in a refined and dignified manner. "So I made a mistake and gave everyone presents they absolutely despised. That doesn't give any of you the right to keep rubbing my face in it. After all, none of us are perfect. How would you like it, Wright, if after I opened your gift, I started…" The Chief Prosecutor found himself at a loss for words as soon as he finished unwrapping the present, his eyes filled with both shock and amazement upon seeing the gift that he was just given. "The… The Samurai Spear… That's… very thoughtful of you, Wright. I… I really appreciate it." Edgeworth stated with a shaky voice as he tried to restrain his emotions. "It's one of the best presents I have ever received- for sentimental reasons since Mr. Powers' trial was the moment in which I took my first steps down the path of redemption to become the man I am today, not because I'm a _Steel Samurai_ fan or anything of the sort." The maroon-cladded prosecutor quickly added, his cheeks starting to redden a bit.

"Hold it, Mr. Edgeworth!" Sebastian objected, forming a frame with his hands. "Did you just say that he's the best?"

"Yes, Sebastian, but-" The Chief Prosecutor tried to explain himself, only to be cut off by his hurt subordinate.

"But nothing!" The naïve prosecutor yelled, bending his baton as he struggled to hold back the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm willing to admit that there are people who are smarter than me and better at their jobs, but when it comes to giving gifts, I sketch the line! I'm the best at buying gifts because I'm a good man with a big heart- Justine said so when I gave her and John their gifts earlier today!" Sebastian sniffled, wiping away his tears before spreading his arms out and smirking at both Phoenix and Edgeworth. "Well, if this chimp thinks that he's the best, then I'll school him like the rest once he sees _my_ first-rate presents."

"Oh no…" Edgeworth said with saucer-sized eyes, his voice filled with apprehension as he saw his naïve subordinate digging through the gift pile and pulling out several unwrapped items.

"Now, I didn't wrap them because whenever I tried, I kept wrapping my finger as well; but it's the thought that counts. For you, Mr. Edgeworth, when I came into your office and asked what you wanted, you may have been on the phone, but I got your request to get out loud and clear. So here you go!"

With a grin that was oddly confident and innocent at the same time, Sebastian handed his superior a bottle of Wite-Out, prompting the Chief Prosecutor to facepalm and groan.

"Ms. von Karma, when I asked you what you wanted, you told me to get lost. So for you…"

The naïve prosecutor handed his coworker a DVD boxset of the first six seasons of _Lost_.

"Sebastian Debeste, you put the 'fool' in foolishness." Franziska muttered under her breath, not even bothering to use her whip- not because Sebastian didn't deserve it, which he did, but because that act of foolishness was so foolish that it was downright pathetic.

"You don't need to thank me, Ms. von Karma. I'm just doing my best." Sebastian smirked. "And lastly, Mr. Blackquill, I-"

"Let me guess- you got me a papier-mâché replica of your head and put it in a plastic bag?" Simon wryly responded as he causally leaned back in his seat.

"I was considering that, but then I remembered hearing through the grapefruit that you like anime. So, after doing a bit of research, I purchased you a DVD for the best anime ever created… Ta-da!" Sebastian exclaimed as he handed Simon a DVD for the _Cory in the House_ series, prompting the Twisted Samurai to stand up and break the gift over his knee.

"Is this supposed to be some kind of sick joke, Deworste!?" Simon snarled, his hand placed over his chest as he glared daggers at his bumbling coworker.

"What?" Sebastian asked with a confused look on his face before suddenly getting hit with a burst of inspiration, prompting his 'question mark' to briefly morph into an exclamation point. "Oh, I get it! You're one of those people who thinks that _Seinfeld_ is the best anime. Well, in my defense, I was debating about whether to get you that or _Cory in the House_ , but I heard that _Cory in the House_ was better, so I went with that." The naïve prosecutor smirked with outstretched arms, completely oblivious to the fact that he had just essentially opened Pandora's Box. "So, Mr. Blackquill, am I the best or what?"

"Oh, you're the best, alright… the best at being a complete moron!" Simon roared, slamming his fists on the coffee table. "Here's a little lesson in television genres for you. None of those bloody shows are animes because they aren't even bloody animated! They're live-action!"

"I'm not an idiot, Mr. Blackquill." Sebastian retorted as he made a frame with his hands. "Of course I know that they're not animes."

"Thank you! So you do have a raisin of a brain in that head of yours!" Simon exclaimed with a mixture of rage and relief.

"They're debeste animes." Sebastian stated with the utmost confidence, leaving the Twisted Samurai completely gobstruck.

You'd think that Simon would immediately attack Sebastian, decking the little git in the jaw and sending him flying into the stratosphere, but he didn't. No, at that moment, Simon was so overcome with rage and disbelief that he couldn't help but glare at his idiotic coworker while his left eye started to twitch. How could a single person be so stupid, yet somehow be a successful prosecutor for almost ten years? The very thought of it enraged Simon to the point where he was shackled in place by his anger.

Recognizing the crazed look in the ex-convict's eye as being similar to the one in his brother's before… the breakdown happened, Klavier- who was keeping to himself not because he was scared of what was happening like Juniper, but because, like Kay, he was enjoying the show, took a few steps back away from Sebastian and towards the nearest corner. And good thing he did, because a few seconds later, Simon snapped. Simon snapped big time.

Like a raging bull, Simon charged at Sebastian with his arms extended out, not giving the clueless prosecutor a chance to escape as he tackled him to the ground, pinning him in place with his knees. And with his coworker secured in place, the Twisted Samurai wrapped his hands around the naïve prosecutor's throat and began squeezing.

"I'll kill you, Deworste, and don't think for a minute that I won't! I went to prison once for something close to me and I won't hesitate to do it again!" Simon roared with absolute hate in his voice and eyes.

"Someone, help me!" Sebastian gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks as he struggled in vain to escape his assaulter's grasp.

Thankfully for the clueless prosecutor, Pearl quickly came to his rescue, easily knocking the ex-con away with a single slap before pinning him to the ground.

"It's Christmastime! Play nice!" The young spirit medium said in a reprimanding tone as she restrained the Twisted Samurai's arms behind his back with her ironclad grip.

"How is this young girl so freakishly strong?" Simon exclaimed as he struggled in vain to free himself.

"We've been asking that question for years, Prosecutor Blackquill. It's better not to think about it." Phoenix nonchalantly replied.

"Ya know what would lighten the mood?" Bucky chimed in as whipped out a gift cards from his coat. "Soba! Enjoy! It's ma gift to everyone!"

The intoxicated chef proceeded to stagger about the room as he handed out gift cards to everyone except Edgeworth, which they responded to with many a 'Yes!' and 'Thanks, Bucky!' And upon returning to his seat, Bucky grinned with satisfaction as he watched the others enjoying their gift, particularly Maya and Gumshoe.

But Bucky's moment of bliss quickly came to an end when Edgeworth decided to speak up.

"Excuse me, Mr. Whet, you seem to have forgotten to give me a gift card."

"I know." Bucky snarled as he glared daggers at the Chief Prosecutor. "Soba's fer people who don't give me bonds for Christmas, ya dirty bond-giver!"

"If you're going to act that way, then I don't want to eat at your establishment." Edgeworth stated with crossed arms. "In fact, considering how inebriated you currently are, I'd wager that your soba is mediocre at best."

"MEDIOCRE!?" Bucky roared. "Ma soba's da best in da land, ya big pink marshmallow!"

"This is exactly what I mean. If you can't tell the difference between maroon and pink, then I can only imagine how off your cooking is." Edgeworth smirked with outstretched arms.

"Ya wanna go a few rounds, pretty boy?!" Bucky bellowed as he slammed his fists on the coffee table. "'Cause I'm not afraid ta jump over dis table an' ram ma foot up yer-"

"Hoy, Bucky, calm down!" Simon interjected. "Don't waste your energy on someone who's so pitifully in the dark when it comes to the nuanced art of soba. For goodness sake, this is a man who frequently drinks hot leaf juice. If that's his definition of a good beverage, then what hope does he have when it comes to discerning quality?"

"Well, Prosecutor Blackquill, if you don't rescind your comment about tea, then 'hot leaf juice' is all you'll be able to afford after I'm done cutting your pay." Edgeworth sternly stated with crossed arms.

Upon hearing this, Simon whistled, prompting Taka, who was perch on one of Charley's garland-covered branches, to fly over and land on his master's shoulder.

"If you cut my pay over something as trivial as tea, then Taka will tear off your-"

"Ok! My turn!" Athena exclaimed with a grin on her face in the hopes of diffusing the situation as she pulled out a small wrapped rectangular box from her pocket and handed it to Trucy with a sullen look on her face. "Here's the Blaine Wacky Cards that I got you, Trucy. Sorry they're a repeat."

"Don't worry, Athena! I can always use a spare! Thank you so much!" The young magician chirped as she ripped open the present and placed it on top of her other pack.

"I'm so glad to hear that." Athena sighed in relief as she reached into the pile of presents and pulled out a rectangular box, which she handed to her boss. "Here you go, Mr. Wright! The second I saw it, I knew that it was perfect for you!"

"In that case, I can't help but question your tastes, Athena." Phoenix noted with a perplexed look, holding up a pair of elevator shoes for all to see after unwrapping his gift.

"Wait, if you got those, then that must mean that Apollo…" Athena gasped with her hands on her cheeks.

* * *

Meanwhile in audience chamber in Khura'in's royal palace, Apollo was holding the Burly Brush 580 toilet brush intended for Phoenix in his hand with a disheartened look on his face as the room filled with Datz, Rayfa, Nahyuta, and Amara's laughter.

"Really, Athena?" Apollo grumbled before turning to the prosecutor monk. "Hey, Nahyuta, out of curiosity, does that rosary of yours work long-distance?"

* * *

"How could I have mistaken a toilet brush for elevator shoes?!" Athena bemoaned, her fists clenched and gaze cast upwards as she tried her best to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Athena." Phoenix chuckled. "You've given me a good laugh that'll last me until spring. Plus, I could never replace Ol' Gilligan."

"In that case, let's get this back on track!" The yellow-cladded attorney proclaimed with a determined grin as she slammed her fist into her palm. "Maya, Bucky, I think that you'll enjoy these…"

Athena reached into her pocket and pulled out two gift cards which she handed out to the two guests.

"A Big Willy's gift card! Thanks, Athena!" Maya squealed with a look of absolute delight on her face, a stark contrast to the confused look on Bucky's.

"Who da f*%$ is Eldoon?" The inebriated chef yelled out.

"Why, he only runs the best noodle cart in all of L.A.!" Maya chirped as she clasped her hands together. "How could anyone _not_ know Mr. Eldoon?"

"Yes, Bucky, how could you forget about that five-star establishment in an alley run by a guy who has mastered the art of cooking noodles with rainwater, better known as Gumshoe-style?" Simon wry retorted, earning a death glare from Maya.

Hey, pal! I'm right here!" The Chief of Police snapped.

"Don't you compare Mr. Eldoon to Gumshoe!" Maya huffed as she puffed out her cheeks. "He's a thousand times cleaner! And as for the rainwater, that's because Mr. Eldoon, like Bill Willy's, uses only all-natural ingredients when preparing his food and doesn't give into the big corporations!"

"Am I invisible or something?" Gumshoe sighed with a sad look on his face.

"Don't worry, Gumshoe. Even if you are invisible, I'll always be able to find you thanks to the overwhelming stench of noodle broth and sadness that you're always emanating." Edgeworth sneered as he patted his friend's shoulder.

"That's a low blow, sir."

"Well, maybe you should have thought about that _before_ badmouthing my generous gift and joining in Larry's war chant." Edgeworth replied with crossed arms.

"Oh, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, this is for you." Athena stated as she handed him a present from the pile.

"Thank you, Ms. Cykes." Edgeworth said with a half-bow as he accepted the present, which he proceeded to carefully open, and upon seeing that it was the Limited-Edition Tenth Anniversary Pink Princess action figure, a grin of delight spread across his face. "Well, I can say with certainty that today has been quite good to me- sans the whole bond fiasco, of course."

Though before Athena could revel in her success, she and Juniper were given 'gifts' of their own in the form of lashes from Franziska's whip.

"You fools temporarily paralyzed me so that you could take credit for _MY_ gift!?" The silver-haired prosecutor snarled as she pulled at her whip.

"I didn't do it on purpose, Ms. von Karma. Honest." Athena said with a dejected look on her face as she grabbed her left arm. "I haven't known Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth for that long and I didn't know what to get him. But according to Mr. Wright, he's a huge _Steel Samurai_ fanboy, so I figured-"

"H-Hold it!" Edgeworth objected, his cheeks becoming a bright shade of red. "I don't know what your boss- a.k.a. the King of Baseless Conjectures- told you, but I am not a 'fanboy'. I am merely a man who appreciates the show for its exquisite cinematography and engaging storylines."

"Riiight, Mr. Edgeworth…" Kay smirked with a roll of her eyes as she decided to break the silence that she had somehow maintained throughout most of the gathering. "So is that why you looked like you were about to cry that one time when you discovered that the Steel Samurai who gave you an autograph was-"

"Not another word regarding that incident, Kay." The Chief Prosecutor sternly hissed.

"Or what?" Kay asked with crossed arms. "Are you gonna cut my pay like Gummy's? Because if that's the case, then you're out of luck... in five years." The Yatagarasu joked as she held up her bond.

"Wait, wait, back things up. Athena, you paralyzed Franziska?" Phoenix asked with a look of shock on his face.

"You go, girl! Way to get some payback for Team Defense! Give me five!" Maya chirped as she held up her hand for a high-five, only to immediately lower it upon Phoenix giving her a look of disapproval.

"Yes, Phoenix Wright, Athena Cykes and her friend paralyzed me yesterday- no doubt a result of your foolishly foolish teachings!" Franziska snapped.

"Hey, I didn't paralyze you, Junie did!" Athena objected, gesturing to her meek friend who responded by starting to cough. "And she only did that because _your_ psycho friend tackled me to the ground!"

"Nevertheless, I didn't want to bring that incident up in order to maintain my dignity, but that all flew out the window the second I saw that foolishly foolish girl who builds her foolishly foolish fool cases on foolishly foolish emotions give _my_ gift to _my_ little brother and steal _my_ glory!" The silver-haired prosecutor yelled, punctuating each 'my' by whipping Athena. "And because _my_ gift was stolen, I had to resort to giving Miles Edgeworth that foolish bond- but not before foolishly buying… Where is it?" Franziska grumbled to herself as she dug through the gift pile before pulling out a _Jammin' Ninja_ boombox and holding it up for all to see. "THIS!"

"Good thing you settled on the bond, Franziska." Edgeworth nonchalantly replied, acting as if this was a typical everyday situation. " _The Jammin' Ninja_ is a show that caters to the lowest dregs of society and I wouldn't be caught dead with any of its merchandise."

"Cool! Can I have that boombox, Ms. von Karma?" Kay chirped, gazing upon the boombox with a look of awe.

"Be my guest, Kay Faraday" Franziska shrugged her shoulders before handing the boombox to the Yatagarasu.

"Yay! Thanks, Ms. von Karma!" Kay squealed as she hugged the present.

"See what I mean?" Edgeworth wryly responded with outstretched arms.

"Hey, it's still a better gift than your crummy bonds, Mr. Edgeworth." Kay snidely retorted, causing the Chief Prosecutor to reel back.

"Alright, your turn, Prosecutor Gavin." Athena stated as she reached into her coat and pulled out a cd before handing it to the ex-rock star.

"And what's this supposed to be, Fräuline? A mixtape of my songs? Because if it is, then your efforts are for naught since they're as second nature to me as breathing." Klavier responded with his hands on his hips and his usual confident grin.

"Don't worry, Prosecutor Gavin. While this is a mixtape, it contains none of your songs."

"Well, let's give it a listen then. Fräuline Thief, your boombox please." Klavier grinned at Kay, holding his arm underhand and wiggling his fingers for a few seconds until he was handed the boombox.

After Klavier inserted the disk into the device and turned it on, his mood quickly took a turn for the worst when the first song to start playing was _She Blinded Me with Science_. The grin that he wore so confidently was replaced by a frown, and the mischievous glimmer that made his blue eyes so attractive to the fräulines dulled as thoughts of his Fräuline Detective filled his mind. He always thought that one day she would see past his 'glimmerous' exterior and take note of his sensitive, caring interior, or that he would find that perfect moment to tell her how he felt. But alas, fate had different plans for the former rock star. Klavier was too slow, too confident, too delusional thanks to all those corny romantic comedies that his mother always made him watch with her throughout November and December, and now he was paying the price since his Fräuline Detective was spending the holidays in some backwater country in the middle of nowhere with a prosecutor with half the warmth of Frollo from _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_.

"Thanks for the gift, Fräuline, but I have to go… water my plants!" Klavier whimpered, leaving behind the boombox as he rushed out of the office while trying his best to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.

"O-Ok…?" Athena said with a confused look on her face before pulling the Hello Kitty burger press out of the pile of presents and handing it to Simon. "Your turn, Simon!"

"Athena, do you even know me?" Simon asked with an exasperated sigh upon unwrapping the present.

"What? You like anime, so I got you something _Hello Kitty_ -related. Why, do you hate it?" Athena responded as she cocked her head to the side out of bewilderment.

"Why is everyone here so ignorant to anime?" Simon snapped with pure irritation in his voice. "First, Bucky sends a Hello Kitty washer and dryer to my apartment…"

"Why can't I ever please you, Simey?" Bucky whimpered.

"Then, Deworste gives me that bloody live-action show! And now this!? And you know that I hate burgers, Athena. Get it out of my sight!" The Twisted Samurai roared, pushing the burger press off of his lap with a huff of disgust, causing it to hit the ground with a thud.

"Get out of my sis' office, you soulless monster!" Maya bellowed at the top of her lungs, glaring daggers at Simon as she picked up the discarded burger press and kissed it like an injured child.

"What?" Simon asked with a look of disbelief.

"You heard me, hit the bricks! If you're somehow capable of hating the beauty and majesty that is the noble burger, then I don't want you polluting this office with your presence!"

"This is ridi-"

"The power of Steel Samurai compels you!" Maya shouted as she held up the Steel Samurai helmet she was given. "The power of Steel Samurai compels you! The power of Steel Samurai compels you!"

As the burger-loving spirit medium continued her version of an exorcism, Simon couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head.

"Do you honestly believe that your squawking will get me to leave? I deal with far worse every other morning when Deworste sings _Best of You_ for over 30 minutes. So if you think- Hey, what are you doing?" Simon snapped as Pearl grabbed him by collar of his jacket in one hand, causing Taka to fly off his shoulder, and started carrying him towards the door.

"Mystic Maya told you to get out, and that's where you're going!" Pearl proclaimed as she opened the office's door, threw the Twisted Samurai out like a piece of trash, and slammed it behind her.

"Simon!" Athena cried out, jumping up from her seat and running over to the door to help her childhood friend/brother figure, only to be stopped by Pearl.

"Please sit down, Athena." Pearl chirped.

"B-But, Simon."

"I said please sit down, Athena." Pearl repeated herself, only this time using a more sinister undertone in her voice as she rolled up her sleeve and clenched her fist, prompting the yellow-cladded attorney to return to her seat.

"Nick, can we buy 20 tons of ground beef for my new baby?" Maya cooed, acting as if nothing happened as she hugged her new burger press.

"No." Phoenix curtly responded.

"Why not?" The burger-loving spirit medium asked in the whiniest voice she could muster.

"I believe that this is enough of a reason." Phoenix stated, flashing Maya one of the coupons that she gave him.

"Oh, that? Sorry to break it to you, Nick, but those coupons expired yesterday. See?" Maya stated, pointing to the fine print in the lower right-hand corner of the piece of paper that read 'Expires 12/24/28'.

"Why am I not surprised?" Phoenix groaned with a disgruntled look on his face.

"T-Thena…" Juniper nervously muttered.

"Yeah, Junie?"

"I know that oranges are your favorite fruit, so…" The nature-loving girl reached behind the couch and grabbed a basket full of oranges which she handed over to her friend.

"Thanks, Junie! Too bad I didn't buy you something yesterday…" Athena said with a dejected look on her face as she squeezed her left arm.

"Oh…" Juniper responded with a weak smile that did little to disguise the disappointment in her voice.

"And instead chose to buy it last month!" The yellow-cladded attorney chirped, pulling a 180 on her disposition by flashing her friend a big grin and a peace sign before reaching into the pile and handing her a trowel wrapped with a bow. "Merry Christmas, Junie! Here's that trowel that you said you wanted!"

"Thank you so much, Thena!" Juniper squealed as she hugged her friend.

"Alright everyone, I may not be the wealthiest guy alive in terms of money, but I'm rich in a way that's much more important: I have lots of friends who love me despite that." Gumshoe said as he wrapped his arms around Edgeworth and Franziska's shoulders.

"You're my acquaintance, Scruffy, not my friend." Franziska objected in an oddly calm manner as she pushed the gentle giant off of her.

"I know that's just your way of caring, sir… So anyways, for Christmas this year, I've decided to give you all a gift that I made from the bottom of my heart." Gumshoe stated as he took out a crudely drawn picture of himself standing between Edgeworth, Franziska, Sebastian, Kay, Phoenix, Maya, and Pearl from his trench coat pocket and showed it to the group.

"Wait a minute, why am I not here?" Athena asked with a mildly offended tone.

"Sorry about that, pal." Gumshoe replied as he awkwardly scratched the pack of his head. "I haven't seen you enough times to remember your face."

"Typical…" Edgeworth stated with crossed arms and a roll of his eyes.

"At least I didn't give everyone bonds, sir!" Gumshoe defensively retorted.

The room then filled with much laughter at Edgeworth's expense before the group moved onto other activities, such as singing carols and telling comedic Christmases of years past. And at the end of the day, every person except Simon, Sebastian, Klavier, and Apollo had an enjoyable day.


	5. Public Bus of Pain

**A/N:** Before anything else, I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart for not uploading anything here for the past three months. I've started a new job back in December and it's been a hectic time as I've adjusted to my new role and changed my schedule accordingly. So instead of keeping everyone waiting while I work on the next chapter of _Debeste of Friends_ (which is about halfway done at this point), I've decided to upload a shorter chapter for this fanfic. And as for the next chapter of Debeste of Friends, I'll upload it after the next chapter of _Debauched Steel_.

Though on a different note, while developing the initial version of this fanfic wasn't as eventful as the one from the previous chapter, it's still special to me in that it's one of the first stories I wrote after playing through _Spirit of Justice_ for the first time. As such, I wanted to have it feature at least one character from the game while also exploring the idea of Franziska being forced to ride on a public bus.

So with all that said, I really appreciate your patience and I hope that you enjoy this new chapter!

* * *

 **Public Bus of Pain**

( **Time:** Sometime after the events of _Turnabout Time Traveler_ )

Normally, whenever Franziska was presented with a case, she'd be excited to get down to the courthouse and deliver her unique brand of justice. It had been this way ever since she first became a prosecutor at the young age of 13- the thrill of presenting perfect pieces of evidence one after the other, crushing the foolish defense attorney's mind with her perfect rebuttals and breaking their body with her infamous whip, and the wonderful thunderous bang of the judge's gavel when the guilty verdict was announced.

But this was no ordinary day- far from it. For on this day, all of the excitement and determination that filled Franziska's mind and soul were replaced with disdain and misery as the silver-haired prosecutor sat alone in the middle row of the public bus.

"Foolish bus! Why of all days did my foolishly foolish car foolishly choose today to foolishly breakdown?" Franziska grumbled to herself, her hand on her cheek as she gloomy stared out the window while contemplating whether or not to punch a large hole in it and jump out of the vehicle into oncoming traffic. "Now here I am, stuck on this foolish public bus with its foolish stops and foolishly sticky seats! What foolishly foolish fool would be foolish enough to willingly choose this foolish form of transportation?"

As if on cue, the bus stopped and Phoenix and Maya got on, and upon seeing Franziska, a smirk spread across the bubbly spirit medium's face as she took her friend's arm and dragged him into the seat behind the enraged prosecutor despite his best efforts to pull away.

"Hey Franziska! I didn't expect to see you here!" Maya chirped, nearly screaming in Franziska's ear as she leaned over the seat.

 _And like the Spanish Inquisition, here you are._ Phoenix nervously thought to himself as he broke out into a cold sweat. Though unfortunately for the Comeback King, his fear was almost immediately replaced with pain as Franziska quickly turned around and gave his shoulder a taste of her whip.

"Phoenix Wright, sitting behind me is an act of foolishness more foolish than your normal foolishly foolish brand of tomfoolery- especially considering that you've foolishly decided to go up against me in court today." Franziska snarled, flashing her courtroom rival a death glare as she pulled on her whip.

"Hey, if you want to get angry and blame someone, talk to the woman who dragged me here." The spiky-haired attorney stated as he nonchalantly pointed his thumb at his assistant.

"Well, in that case..."

Franziska proceeded to lash Maya with her whip, prompting the spirit medium to glare daggers at her friend.

"Thanks a lot, Nick!" Maya yelled, glowering at her friend with brown rage-filled eyes.

"Now, if you fools wouldn't mind, I'd prefer it if you kept your foolish tomfoolery to a minimum until we get to the courthouse." Franziska stated, turning around in her seat and taking out the file for the current case in an attempt to make this trying experience somewhat positive and productive.

"Don't worry, Franziska, you won't even know we're here." Maya chirped.

* * *

Even though Maya was infamous for her hyperactivity and low threshold for boredom, she was able to keep her promise and keep quiet for the next few minutes through a combination of drawing crude pictures of the Steel Samurai by smudging her finger on the window next to her. And because of this, Franziska was able to calm down and read her case file in peace, a smirk spreading across her face as she thought about how she was making perfect use of her time- reviewing the trial's evidence and honing her strategy while Phoenix was… Well, Franziska wasn't sure of what her courtroom rival was doing on account of her not bothering to look back at him, but knowing him, he was probably doing something foolish like the foolish fool that he was.

Of course, the silver-haired prosecutor knew she was right- after all, that was the case 99.9 percent of the time- but that didn't stop her from being consumed by curiosity to the point where it was becoming a distraction. And so Franziska, overcome with the urge to see firsthand just how much more prepared she was than her foolish rival, put her case file down on her lap and briefly glanced behind her to see Phoenix struggling to send a text on that ancient relic that he called a phone, a pained look on his face as he slowly typed out each letter with his index finger.

Upon seeing this sight, Franziska couldn't help but snicker to herself, covering her mouth with her gloved hand as she turned to face forward. Phoenix Wright, the man who had managed to beat not only her and her 'little' brother, but also her father who had went undefeated for 40 years, could barely use a cellphone that was ten years out-of-date 20 years ago. If the silver-haired prosecutor wasn't stuck on this foolish bus and/or facing that pitiful fool in court later that morning, she would have felt sorry for him.

Perhaps that's why Phoenix was doing it: he _wanted_ Franziska to see him in such a pathetic, vulnerable state so that she would hold back during the trial and give him an easy win- that, or make it where she'd burst into fits of laughter during the trial, thereby losing her credibility and the momentum of her argument. That had to be it! No one, not even Phoenix Wright, could be _that_ incompetent when it comes to technology! Well, if that was the bluffing attorney's angle, then he was foolish unaware of whom he was dealing with. Franziska could never be thrown off her game by foolish pity, a skill developed after years of working with Gumshoe- and cutting his pay- and watching Edgeworth struggle with small talk. That's how Franziska was able to move past that humorous sight and return to reading her case file.

However, the feeling of serenity that Franziska was experiencing was about to become a memory when Phoenix's phone started to ring, playing that foolishly obnoxious song that he foolishly hadn't changed in over a decade.

"Hey Athena, how's your case with Trucy going...?" Phoenix asked before chuckling slightly. "Trucy's doing what...? Well, without Apollo around for her to torture, you're the next-best thing... I know that it's not fair, but think of it as a rite of passage. So, was that all you wanted to talk about...?" The spiky-haired attorney nodded his head as he listened to his protégé. "Simon wants to take us out to dinner tonight...? Alright, that sounds good to me!" Phoenix exclaimed with a huge grin. "Maya and I'll meet you guys there after we're done investigating for the day." The spiky-haired attorney chirped as he ended the call.

"So what did Athena want?" Maya asked, cocking her head to the side out of intrigue.

"You know that case she's working on, the one where that pawnshop owner was accused of killing a customer with a knife in his storeroom?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Apparently, the shop sells antique weapons and Trucy's looking to buy a few for some new tricks that she wants Athena to assist her with. So now Athena's crying about how it's a 'violation of her rights' and a 'danger to her health'."

"Pfft! What a lightweight!" Maya tittered with a wave of her hand. "If Athena thinks Trucy's bad, she wouldn't have lasted five minutes with Sis."

"Tell me about it. I make one remark about your devil of a cousin not pooping back when I was a dumb kid, and I'm assigned to clean the office toilet on a daily basis the moment I walked in the door on my first day. And mind you, every morning, Mia was… regular, to say the least." Phoenix shuddered at the thought of his early days at the law firm. "But at least now I have a protégé who's willing to help me out with that." The spiky-haired attorney smirked.

"Oh, speaking of Athena, you mentioned something about Simon wanting to take us out to dinner?" Maya jovially asked, clasping her hands together as her eyes filled with excitement at the mere mention of food. "So, where is he taking us? Eldoon's? Burger Barn? Big Willy's? I hope it's Big Willy's!"

"In that case, you're in for a world of disappointment, because we're going to be having soba at Whet Noodle."

"Soba!?" Maya screeched, her face contorted in absolute disgust. "What the hell's soba!? It sounds like soap, and I don't eat soap…! At least, not after Edgeworth's 30th birthday. But in my defense, those bathroom soaps looked like candy!"

"Maya, please don't remind me of that day… I'm still getting angry phone calls from Willow Oaks about what you did to the Governor." Phoenix groaned. "Though back to your question, soba is noodles that are made with buckwheat. So since you like Eldoon's noodles, you'll probably like soba. Heck, you'll probably love it even more since it doesn't contain enough salt to kill a small elephant." The spiky-haired attorney said with a nervous grin as he put a hand to the back of his neck.

"But Niiiiiiiick! I don't want new stuff! I want burgers!" Maya whined, puffing out her cheeks in anger as she crossed her arms.

"Maya, you had seven burgers for breakfast." Phoenix said with an exasperated sigh. "I should know, considering how you drained my poor wallet dry before my very eyes."

"But Niiiiiiiick, those were breakfast burgers- totally different from dinner burgers!"

"Listen Maya, it's not that often that someone other than me pays for dinner, so we're going to the Whet Noodle whether you like it or not. For crying out loud, Maya, you're 28 and the Master of Kurain! So stop making a scene and embarrassing both me and yourself!" Phoenix snapped as he glowered at his assistant.

"Oh, if it's a scene you want, Nick, then it's a scene you'll get!" Maya roared, her cheeks puffed out as she matched her friend's scowl with a death glare of her own.

"Maya, please don't…" Phoenix pleaded with a look of apprehension, his posture slightly hunched over as a few beads of cold sweat dripped down his brow upon realizing what dark path he was now treading. "If you care about me, then-"

But unfortunately for Phoenix, his words fell on deaf ears as his fears came to fruition in the form of Maya cutting him off by screaming at the top of her lungs like an enraged child before unleashing a barrage of rapid-fire kicks on the back on Franziska's seat.

"I want burgers! I want burgers! I want burgers! I want burgers! I want-"

And also as Phoenix had feared, Maya's temper tantrum was quickly put to an end by Franziska turning around and whipping both him and his assistant.

"Will you stop that, Maya Fey!? It is beyond foolish and inconsiderate!" Franziska snapped while pulling at her whip.

"But Nick started it!" Maya retorted in a whinny tone as she pointed to Phoenix, who could help but roll his eyes with an exasperated sigh.

"Well, I'm ending it. So if I hear another foolishly foolish word out of either you or Phoenix Wright, Maya Fey, I will not hesitate to whip the both of you into submission. Do I make myself clear?" Franziska hissed as her eyes narrowed.

"Crystal." The normally energetic spirit medium gulped with saucer-sized eyes.

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted with his famed finger point. "I can understand why you're angry at Maya, but I have done nothing to bother you over the course of this entire bus ride. So why are you threatening to punish me as well?"

"Easy. You annoy me, Phoenix Wright." Franziska smirked with a waggle of her finger. "So now that you both are aware of what will happen if either of you continue to act foolish for the duration of this ride, are we going to have any more problems?"

Without saying a word, Phoenix and Maya shook their heads, much to Franziska's delight as she turned back around in her seat with grin before going back to reading her case file.

* * *

For the next few minutes, things went back to being reasonably quiet and Franziska found herself calming down. However, that calmness was once again ripped away from her, only this time in the form of the bus stopping and Uendo Toneido, in his Patches persona, boarding.

"Hello, everyone! Lovely day we're having, isn't it?" Patches chirped, enthusiastically waving to the other passengers who looked as if they couldn't care less as he made his way towards the back of the vehicle.

However, when Patches reached Franziska, he stopped in his tracks as he swapped over to Kisegawa, who was none too happy if the scowl on her face was of any indication.

"Oh, it seems we've got a new girl on the bus today. So spill it, hon, what's your name?" Kisegawa sternly asked, pointing her fan at Franziska.

"Franziska von Karma, prodigy prosecutor." The silver-haired prosecutor curtly replied, not even bothering to look up from the case file she was reading in the hopes that this foolish bus person would go away if she simply ignored them.

Though much to Franziska's disdain, the only thing that course of action brought about was irritating the courtesan, who responded by slapping the case file out of the silver-haired prosecutor's hands with her fan.

"Well, _Blandziska_ , do you know who I am?" Kisegawa asked with a mixed tone of irritation and arrogance.

"No, and I couldn't care less." Franziska stated, picking her case file up off of the ground, only for Kisegawa to slap it out of her hands once again.

"That's what I thought, little girl. Otherwise, you wouldn't be giving me, Kisegawa, the best courtesan and rakugo performer around such lip. Normally, I'd give an uppity child like you a face full of fan and an earful of sass, but since you're new to this bus, I'll let you off with just a warning."

" _You're_ warning _me_? Don't make me laugh." Franziska sneered with a waggle of her finger. "If you legitimately believe that a foolishly foolish bus person wearing such a foolishly foolish outfit can intimidate a von Karma, then you're even more foolish than you look."

"Sticks and stones, Blandziska, sticks and stones." Kisegawa nonchalantly replied with a wave of her fan. "Just remember that I'm the queen bee around her, and if I hear any buzzing out of you, I'll swat more than that sad little file of yours. So just mind your Ps and Qs and we'll get along swimmingly, ok?"

Though suddenly, upon noticing Phoenix and Maya, Kisegawa's demeanor brightened as she switched over to Uendo.

"Hello Phoenix, good to see you as always." Uendo said with a soft smile before transitioning to Patches, who started enthusiastically waving at Maya. "Hey Maya, you're looking great as always!"

"It's good to see you too, Uendo." Phoenix politely replied.

"Phoenix Wright, just what kind of foolishly foolish people ride this foolishly foolish bus of foolishness?" Franziska asked with a disturbed look on her face, slightly reeling back in her seat at the sight of the rakugo personality changing so drastically so quickly.

"The kind that don't put up with that kind of lip." Kisegawa retorted as she slapped Franziska in the face with her fan. "So do us all a favor and stick a cork in it, Blandziska."

"Not before I shut your foolishly foolish mouth first!" Franziska snarled, counterattacking by lashing the courtesan with her trusty whip.

"Fine, I'll stop- not because you have a weapon, but because I feel that I'm above this. So don't think that this is over, Blandziska." Kisegawa huffed before sitting down in the seat to Franziska's left, where she proceeded to glower at the silver-haired prosecutor.

Not concerned in the slightest about what this strange bus fool thought of her, Franziska proceeded to pick her case file up off the ground once more, a look of mild disgust on her face upon realizing that it was now slightly sticky, before going back to reading it- only this time, not holding onto it too tightly and making several mental notes to wash her hands later. But apparently, the universe had a vendetta against the whip-happy prosecutor, for as soon as she resumed her reading, the bus stopped once more and someone else got on, only this time, it was much worse.

With obnoxious rap music blaring forth from the boombox that he was lugging on his shoulder, Wocky boarded the bus with crap-eating grin, thinking he looked so cool with his boombox as he swaggered forward to the groans of nearly everyone else present. Sure, this was a public bus and strange things happened all the time- something that the other passengers had grown used to, especially considering that this was Los Angeles, a city with more eccentric, over-the-top people than there are fish in the sea- but even they had their limits.

Though Wocky didn't care what these bustas thought about him. They were just haters who were too tight-assed to appreciate an OG when they saw one. So in an attempt to liven things up, The Vanilla Ice wannabe decided to 'treat' his fellow passengers to a rap as he made his way towards the back of the bus- because as anyone knows, a G's only as cool as how far in the back of a vehicle or room he's sitting.

"Yo, I'm OG Wocky, blastin' down bustas with my glocky! When the cops come by, sayin' me an' my homies are just talk, I go an' kick 'em in the-"

Fortunately, before Wocky could pass by Franziska and finish the current verse, the silver-haired prosecutor stuck out her foot and tripped the wannabe gangster, causing him to fall on top of his boombox and break it before proceeding to whip him until he was rendered unconscious, earning a round of applause from the other passengers.

"My turn! My turn!" Patches chirped, enthusiastically raising his hand like an excited schoolchild before singing his own song. "The wheels on the public bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the public bus go round and round, all-" Though before he could finish, the jester was cut off by searing pain of being lashed with Franziska's infamous whip, immediately silencing him.

* * *

For the next several minutes, things were once again peaceful for Franziska- Phoenix and Maya were keeping quiet, that strange bus person wasn't glaring at her, and that foolishly foolish thug who was under the foolish delusion that he was cool was lying on the ground unconscious. Thankfully, in order to be considerate to the passengers, the driver sped the bus up for a brief moment shortly after Wocky was knocked out in order to slide his body up against the back wall.

But then the bus stopped for a third time, and a person who was somehow worse than Wocky staggered onto the bus.

The new passenger was a man of average height with greasy, curly reddish-orange hair, a matching long scraggily beard, and a round, bulging stomach despite the rest of his body appearing unusually thin who was wearing a tattered jacket, a grungy tank top, and a tinfoil hat. In his hand, the man held a glass bottle in a dirty paper bag which he proceeded to take a generous glug from upon climbing into the vehicle as if to reward himself for the effort.

"Hey people, I wanna dance on da moooooooon!" The man obnoxiously bellowed at the top of his lungs, taking off his shirt and jacket and tossing them off to the side before wobbling back and forth like an intoxicated metronome while bobbing his head up and down.

"Oh no, Nick! Dionysus tried his hand at making moonshine in the Vitamin Square bathroom again! Should we warn Franziska?" Maya whispered with a worried look on her face.

"Maya, don't you remember? You promised Franziska that you wouldn't say another foolish word. After all, we don't want to get whipped now, do we?" Phoenix snidely whispered back with a mischievous glint in his eyes which Maya couldn't help but softly giggle at.

"You're so bad, Nick!" Maya softly chirped as she playfully slapped her friend's shoulder.

"Shhh..! Dionysus is coming this way and I _really_ want to see how this plays out." Phoenix whispered before focusing on Dionysus, who was stumbling down the aisle while muttering incoherent gibberish under his breath as he struggled to maintain his balance.

And sure enough, just like with Uendo, Dionysus stopped upon seeing Franziska and decided that this stern-faced prosecutor who was devoting all of her attention to the case file in her hand would be a great new friend.

"Hey… *hic* Hey lady, ya new 'ere?" Dionysus slurred.

"Yes, now go away." Franziska curtly responded without looking up once again, hoping this time that the foolish creep would actually get the memo and keep on walking.

However, the plan worked just as well as last time on account of Dionysus ripping the case file out of Franziska's hand and throwing it off to the side, causing the papers contained inside to scatter all throughout the bus.

"You fool!" Franziska roared, her face reddening as she glared daggers at the drunkard. "That file contained pivotal evidence for a trial that I'm prosecuting in less than an hour from now!"

"Hey lady, no need ta yell! Ya… Ya just gotta learn ta relax an' gooo with da flooow. So how's- *hic* how's about I serenade you with my harmonionioni voice and sexy dance?" Dionysus asked with the best enticing tone he could muster with a glazed look in his eyes.

"The only thing I want is for you to move out of my way so I can get my papers back!" Franziska snarled, lashing the drunkard with her whip. However, much to the silver-haired prosecutor's shock, he was completely unaffected as he stood his ground.

"I see yer bein' stubborn, just like… just like my sister who never calls or visits me. But don't ya worry… Don't… Don't worry… I-I don't hate ma egghead sis an'- *hic* and I don't hate you. So I'm gonna perform for ya anyways. Do do do, do do do, do do do do do!" The drunkard sang as he started pelvic thrusting in Franziska's general direction.

"S-Stop your sick tomfoolery at once, you foolishly disgustingly foolish fool!" Franziska shouted with legitimate terror in her eyes as she whipped Dionysus a second time, only for him to once again remain unfazed.

"Oh-ho! Seems like I got an admirer! In dat case, I gotta turn up da heat!" Dionysus replied with a sultry grin before pelvic thrusting even harder. "DO DO DO DO DO DO, DO DO DO DO DO!

"Go, Dionysus! Don't be afraid to shake what your mama gave you!" Kisegawa cheered with a sneer as she pointed her fan at the inebriated man.

"Don't foolishly encourage him!" Franziska shouted before unleashing a barrage of lashes from her whip on Dionysus, all of which had no effect as he continued singing and dancing. "Why won't my whip work!? What kind of foolish freak of nature are you!?"

At that moment, the bus hit a pothole, causing Dionysus to fall on top of Franziska's lap, where he flopped about like a carp while under the delusion that he was still on his feet, causing the silver-haired prosecutor to scream out in a mixture of fury and terror.

"Phoenix Wright, Maya Fey! Make yourselves useful for once and get this foolishly foolish drunkard off of me!" Franziska snarled as she struggled in vain to move Dionysus off of her lap, only to find the spiky-haired defense attorney and spirit medium laughing at her situation from the comfort of their seats. Sure, Phoenix and Maya knew that what they were doing was cruel, but after years of Franziska's abuse, they felt that they'd earned this moment as they enjoyed the rest of their bus ride.

* * *

When the bus finally stopped at the courthouse about ten minutes later, Phoenix and Maya decided to show some mercy and roll Dionysus off of Franziska, who proceeded to wobble his way towards the front of the bus while muttering some obscenities under his breath.

"Why didn't you two fools help me sooner!?" Franziska snarled, springing to her feet as she ruthless lashed both Phoenix and Maya with her whip.

 _Because we were enjoying ourselves._ "Sorry, Franziska…" Phoenix stated with a nervous grin as he put a hand to the back of his neck. "Is there anything we can do to make it up to you."

"Yes, let me convict the defendant in today's trial without your usual bluffing." Franziska angrily replied as she pulled at her whip.

"Ok, let me rephrase that, Franziska. Is there anything we can do to make it up to you that _doesn't_ involve me compromising my principles and-"

"Listen here, Phoenix Wright!" Franziska snarled, grabbing the spiky-haired attorney by the collar of his shirt. "I went through hell on this foolishly foolish bus of foolishness! A crazed fool slapped me with their fan-"

"You're no Miss Congeniality yourself, princess." Kisegawa snidely interjected.

"As I was saying, a crazed fool slapped me in the face with their fan, a foolishly foolish drunk got rid of my case file and traumatized me in ways that no amount of therapy can fix, _and_ I had to sit in a seat that was oddly sticky! So with all that said, you owe me, Phoenix Wright! I don't care if that foolish defendant is innocent; I don't care if they have a sad backstory; and I don't care if they're holding one of your friends hostage! When we get in that courtroom, here's what's going to happen: I'll say that the defendant's guilty, you'll be quiet and nod your head like a good boy, and the Judge will slam his gavel and give me my victory. Do you understand?"

"I don't care how angry you are, Franziska." Phoenix sternly stated as he pushed the silver-haired prosecutor off of him. "I'm sorry that your experience on the public bus was so horrible. Trust me, if Maya ot I could drive, I wouldn't be anywhere near this thing. But as long as I'm around, I won't let you ruin an innocent man's life!"

"We'll just see about that, Phoenix Wright…" Franziska sneered with a waggle of her finger.

"You don't scare us, Franziska!" Maya replied with a confident grin. "Nick's gotten punched, tazed, hit in the head with a fire extinguisher, fell off a burning bridge into a river that people disappear in, hit by a car and launched headfirst into a telephone pole, _and_ survived Pearly's slaps of terror! There's no punishment in this world that Nick can't handle- he's indestructible, like the Steel Samurai!" The bubbly spirit medium boasted as she slapped Phoenix's back.

"Who said anything about me _destroying_ Phoenix Wright…?" Franziska asked in a sinister tone before cracking the air with her whip, prompting the spiky-haired attorney to gulp as terror filled his now saucer-sized eyes.

* * *

Later, the courtroom was filled with the murmurs of the gallery as Franziska and Maya stood behind their respective benches, only to be immediately silenced when the Judge slammed his gavel.

"Court is now in session for the Trial of Ed O'Tayle. Is the prosecution prepared?" The Judge asked.

"The prosecution is ready, Your Honor." Franziska chirped.

"Good to see that you're in such high spirits, Ms. von Karma. And is the defense- Wait a minute, where's Mr. Wright?" The Judge asked with a look of shock on his face upon seeing just Maya behind the defense's bench. "It's not like him to be late like this. Did he get hit on the head with another fire extinguisher?"

"Don't worry, Your Honor. Phoenix Wright is perfectly fine." Franziska smirked with a finger waggle. "You see, Phoenix Wright's currently going on a ride through the city and can't join us today. However, just because Phoenix Wright isn't here doesn't mean that we can't have a trial. After all, Maya Fey has worked with him for so many years that she knows all of his foolish strategies like the back of her hand. Right, Maya Fey?" The silver-haired prosecutor calmly asked with a threatening undertone to her voice as she pulled at her whip.

"R-Right." Maya stuttered as she broke out in a cold sweat.

"Very well. Ms von Karma, your opening statement, please."

"Certainly, Your Honor." Franziska replied with a curtsey. "You see…"

Meanwhile, back on the public bus, Phoenix's limp, unconscious body was lying on top of Wocky's, the other passengers acting completely indifferent to the sight as if it was an everyday occurrence while Dionysus was busy stealing both Phoenix's and Wocky's shoes.


	6. Duel of Magic

**A/N:** I swear, with how hectic my schedule has been over the last couple of months, the guilt that I feel in regards to how long it takes for me to upload these chapters is almost as much of a tradition as the background paragraph that I include about the story's origin and creation. Once again, I'm really sorry that it took me over half a year to upload another story/chapter for this fanfic. It's just that life and writer's block can be quite the deadly combination.

In regards to this story, it holds a special place in my heart since it was one of the first fanfics I ever wrote that focused less on comedy and more on action. Essentially, one day, I was listening to Duel of Fates while brushing my teeth one evening, when the idea of Zak and Phoenix getting into a huge fight over who's Trucy's real father popped into my mind. However, I quickly scrapped that idea for two reasons: one, there's no contest in that regard since Phoenix adopted Trucy, a girl who he had just met and who was sort of the reason why he was disbarred, and raised her as his own with love and kindness, whereas Zak abandoned her without a second thought, only to reappear seven years later with the intent of ruining Phoenix's reputation and income, thereby putting her health in jeopardy. And two, given that Zak's a magician who has proven that he can use his skills to his advantage, it wouldn't be a fair fight unless Phoenix was allowed to use his horrible piano-playing as a weapon.

So from that, the idea evolved into "What if Valant encountered Zak when the latter returned?" However, it would be a bit underwhelming if the magic of the Gramaryes was mere tricks- plus, this is a universe where spirit channeling exists and Phoenix is able to get hit by a car, launched 30 feet through the air, and hit his head on a telephone pole, only to get a sprained ankle (not to mention, all of the crazy stuff that happens in the _Professor Layton_ games, which take place in the _Ace Attorney_ universe)- so I decided that it would be way more fun if Magnifi and his students had magical capabilities that defied the laws of nature. And from that, the original version of this story was born.

However, since that version of the story was written about seven months before the release of _Spirit of Justice_ , I decided to give it a massive overhaul before uploading it here by making it where Zak's fighting Roger Retinz instead of Valant- partially because it would make more sense to have Roger, Magnifi's scorned former student, getting into a magical fight to the death with Zak, but also because Roger specializing in fire and coin tricks opens the door to a lot of possibilities combat-wise. Essentially, think of a firebender from the _Avatar_ series mixed with a metalbender.

So with that said, I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

* * *

 **Duel of Magic**

( **Time:** April 17, 2026)

For as long as he could remember, Zak had always liked late spring- the way the days got longer, the way the weather was warm, but not stiflingly hot, and how the light breezes felt so pleasant on his skin, how it so subtly rubbed the back of his hands, like the tender kiss of an angel. Perhaps that lattermost reason had to do with the dates he'd used to have with Thalassa after practice.

Even now, despite all the hardships he had endured, Zak still couldn't help but smile when he looked back on those happy times with Thalassa. After all, it was the anticipation of those dates that helped him muster up the strength to get through the long, strenuous hours of practice that Magnifi demanded of him. Sure, both Zak and Valant loved Magnifi like a father, but that didn't change the fact that he was as ruthless a mentor as he was skilled as a magician- giving his apprentices only a small breakfast of oats or rice in the morning and nothing else until practice was over, not allowing any breaks of any kind, and mildly torturing them over the course of several hours in order to drive his lessons home.

To this day, Zak still had nightmares about the sheer amount of rabbits he and Valant had to pull out of a top hat while trying in vain to master that classic trick- or rather, Magnifi's version of it. For instead of doing the trick in the normal fashion- a secret compartment in the hat that the rabbit would be stored in- Magnifi would actually use an empty hat and conjure a rabbit out of thin air. Of course, being only human, Zak and Valant were unable to successfully pull the trick off, even after five hours of nonstop attempts, much to the sadistic delight of Magnifi, who revealed to his apprentices that the purpose of the lesson wasn't for them to learn how to perform the trick, but rather, that they would never be able to become great magicians without complete devotion to him.

And sure enough, as time went on, Magnifi bestowed upon his apprentices different sets of tricks and abilities based off their personalities and preferences. For Zak, with his unrivaled love of card games- particularly poker- Magnifi bestowed upon him a mastery of card tricks, whereas Valant's passion for showmanship and dazzle made him the perfect candidate for tricks of the flashier variety- making animals and objects appear out of thin air, mirror tricks, anything involving ribbons, etc.

But despite gaining skills and abilities that defied the laws of nature, they couldn't hold a candle to those late spring days after practice when Zak and Thalassa would go to Repose Park for a picnic dinner to watch the sunset. Of course, being the third-wheel that he was, Valant would always try to tag along, but every time, Zak and Thalassa would always outrun him, leaving the yellow-cladded magician with only his tears and the sound of Magnifi's laughter whenever he'd see his least favorite apprentice abandoned. But Valant was the least of Zak's concerns during his times out with Thalassa, with his focus being devoted to the great food and the even greater beauty of his date.

Thalassa was always a sight to behold- her svelte figure, her delicate features, the way her chestnut-brown hair flowed down her shoulders- but during these dates, she was even more fetching thanks to how the warm orange of the sky as the sun gradually dipped below the horizon perfectly complemented her cool blue-grey eyes and made the white sundress that she favored at this time of year really pop. If Zak hadn't known better, he could have sworn that during those dates, Thalassa was an angel sent down from Heaven. But even if that wasn't true, she never failed to make him feel like he was in paradise whenever they were out on those dates- especially since it was on one such sunset that she agreed to marry him.

But on the night of April 17, 2026, things were different as Zak roamed the streets of Los Angeles. Since it was nearing midnight, the sun had long since gone down, making it where the only sources of illumination were from the streetlights and buildings surrounding Zak, and the wind that he had always loved so dearly felt cold and slightly bitter against his skin. Though in a way, it was only fitting that the warmth of spring was no longer present. After all, the person who helped to give Zak's springs warmth was gone, leaving him alone in this world. Sure, the former magician had a lovely daughter who, as he recalled, took after her mother in all the right ways, but she probably didn't want anything to do with him- not that he blamed her. What person in their right mind would want to associate with the father who not only abandoned them for seven years, but was also a wanted criminal?

Nevertheless, whether or not Trucy wanted to see Zak didn't change the fact that he was risking jail time by returning to this city for two reasons- one business, and another that was far more important. Luckily, thanks to his dealings with some of Los Angeles' more… dubious gambling circles, Zak knew all about how to travel through the city undetected- which streets people didn't really walk during night, where there was little to no police surveillance, which alleys were safe and which ones were frequented by some scruffy-looking hobo in a green trench coat rooting through dumpsters for food scraps, etc.

That's why, while wandering down one such deserted street, Zak was startled when he heard someone call out to him.

"Well, well, well, took you long enough to slink back here." The voice remarked in a condescending tone.

"Who said that?!" Zak snapped as he quickly turned around, his fists clenched and prepared for a fight, only for them to slightly loosen up when he saw that the person wasn't some thug who he owed money to or a police officer, but rather some guy who was wearing a pair of sunglasses, a white fedora that matched his dress shirt that had a red blazer of sorts draped over the shoulders, giving him the appearance of having a cape, and a pair of green-checkered cargo shorts that clashed horribly with his shirt.

"Nice to see you haven't changed a bit, Shadi…. Or should I say Zak." The man snidely commented as he put his hands up.

"Do I know you?" Zak asked with a confused look on his face, his arms crossed as he tried to remember if he had met this guy before.

"That really hurts, Shadi." The man replied with mock pain in his voice. "How could you forget about me after everything that happened between us?"

"I'm sorry, old boy, but I can say for certain that I've never seen you before in my life. Because if I did, I would never forget such a tacky outfit!" Zak bellowed with his infamous laugh. "What even is that outfit, old boy? A white blazer and green-checkered cargo shorts..? Are you trying to impersonate Johnny Depp going through a midlife crisis? Because if that's the case, then mission accomplished!"

"Well, since you appear to be as dense as you are a jerk, then I'll give you a hint: you ruined my life." The man disdainfully responded with a look of contempt.

"You're going to have to be more specific, old boy." Zak smirked with his hands placed proudly on his hips

"You _and_ that miserable sack of crap Magnifi ruined my life." The man growled.

"Once again, you're going to have to be more specific. If anything, that last comment just widened the circle of possible people you could be!"

"Magnifi cast me off to the side the second my usefulness came to an end while you and him used my downfall as a stepping stone for your own careers."

"Ok, old boy, this is no longer funny." Zak sternly stated, his expression becoming more stoic. "At this point, you're describing every last person on the planet- t.v. producers, Rainbow Squirts, my ex-partner, Valant…"

"Geez, just when I thought that you Gramaryes couldn't be more of a pain in my ass…" The man groaned as he took out a wad of money and started fanning himself with it. "I mean, it'd be one thing if I was some washed-up has-been like you, but how could anyone in this country not know of me, Roger Retinz? For God's sake, I'm the freakin' Ratings Rajah, the titan of the t.v. screen! Hang loose, man-baby!" Roger smirked with a wink as he flashed his former acquaintance a shaka gesture.

"The what?" Zak asked with a tone of complete bewilderment and an expression to mach.

"The Rating Rajah! Y'know, the brilliant mind that produced hit shows like _Scandal Gamble Gambit_ , _The Ratings Rajah Goes to Burger Barn_ , _Bikini Wars_ , and _The Ratings Rajah is Forced to Go to Big Willy's Against His Freewill_ , and a dozen more? I'm a freakin' legend!" Roger snarled with clenched fists.

"You're the one who produced those shows?" Zak asked with a tone of mild surprise.

"Thank you! And here I thought that you spent the last seven years living in a cave." Roger snidely remarked with raised hands. "Glad to know that even the biggest douches society can offer know who I am."

"Sorry to get your hopes up, old boy, but I still have no clue about who you are. I was just surprised that a human being actually approved of such mindless programs. And here I thought that a circus monkey hopped up on meth was running the show at Take-One TV or whatever that station's called!" Zak bellowed as he burst out into laughter.

"Two! Two! My station is called Take- _2_ TV! Two, as in the thing you do in a bathroom that perfectly summarizes who you, Magnifi, and the rest of Troupe Gramarye are as people!" Roger snarled, a few embers sparking from his left hand. "Regardless, perhaps _this_ will jog your memory! The memory of…!"

The producer started to vigorously rub his palms together with great intensity, not unlike how one would go about rubbing two sticks together in order to create a fire, until sparks actually started emitting from his hands, faint embers falling to the ground like snow. With each passing second, Roger's hand-rubbing grew faster and faster, the number of sparks and embers multiplying until it seemed as if he was trying to contain a sparkler. And then suddenly, with a thunderous clap, Roger created a blinding light that forced Zak to put a hand to his eyes.

The light lasted for only a brief second before disappearing as quickly as it was created, but upon removing his hand, the poker-loving jerk was greeted to the sight of the sleazy producer going from one garish fashion nightmare of an outfit to another by changing out of his producer clothes in favor of his old Mr. Reus attire.

"The Great Mr. Reus! Tremble in fear, Gramarye, before the one true magic!" Roger proudly proclaimed as a flame formed in the palm of his outstretched hand.

"Oh, _now_ I remember!" Zak beamed with a prideful grin and his hands on his hips. "Mr. Pee-us, the sad little magician who was only capable of doing fire and coin tricks!" The poker-loving ex-magician heartily chuckled. "Sorry about that, little boy, but ever since Magnifi expelled you and your pitiful little tricks from our troupe and had me and Valant give you the Gramarye Farewell, it's hard for me to recognize you when you aren't covered in spit!"

"Well, if my 'tricks' are so weak, then you should have no problem dealing with _this_!" Roger sneered as a baseball-sized fireball formed in his hand, which he chucked at his poker-loving enemy with impressive speed.

However, instead of jumping out the way or ducking, Zak simply stood his ground and, with a quick upward flick of his wrist, caused a wall of playing cards of various suits to rise from the ground and block the fiery projectile. Though as one would expect, the second the fireball hit the wall of cards, it disintegrated into a black powder which a passing breeze blew away.

"Like I said, _little_ boy, your 'magic', if I can even call it that, is laughable at best- hardly a match for a former disciple of the Great Magnifi Gramarye!" Zak bellowed with a hearty chuckle.

"On, the contrary, Gramarye, I think I'm on a roll." Roger smirked, using his right hand to very slightly pull down the brim of his top hat over his eyes while performing a coin trick with his free hand.

"Well, you'll be thin enough to fit on a roll when I'm through with you!" Zak retorted, causing three playing cards to appear in his grasp with a wave of his hand, which he proceeded to throw at his foe like shuriken.

Though just like with his attack against the jerk poker enthusiast, Roger didn't budge from his spot. However, contrary to his former acquaintance who blocked using playing cards, the television producer opted for a sturdier defense in the form of raising both of his arms in the air, causing his body to be encased in a large sphere made of coins which the cards harmlessly bounced off of.

After causing his newly formed coin sphere to bounce a smidge off of the ground, only to land with a thunderous slam that caused the earth to tremble slightly in a show of force and intimidation, Roger started to roll towards the magician at a respectable speed in an attempt to crush him like a bug. Though fortunately for Zak, what he lacked in human decency, he made up for with quick thinking, a trait that gave him the wherewithal to form two decks of cards underneath his feet that he proceeded to bend inwards using his magic, making it appear as though he was wearing a pair of arched shoes. However, this fashion choice wouldn't last for long as the poker-loving ex-magician released his magical grasp on the cards, causing him and the topmost cards on the deck to be rocketed into the air above Roger's giant coin sphere mere seconds before becoming the world's jerkiest flapjack.

Taking advantage of the situation, Zak summoned three more card shrunkens, which he proceeded to throw at the coin sphere as it zoomed away from him, once again having no effect as the cards merely bounced off of the metal shell before fluttering to the ground.

However, even if the attack did no damage, it nonetheless managed to infuriate Roger, prompting him to stop his coin sphere with surprising ease before rolling back towards Zak with even more speed as the poker-loving man just landed. Given the current situation, Zak was unable to leap into the air once again, therefore prompting him to summon a ramp of playing cards with raised hands, which he proceeded to hide underneath of.

As Zak had planned, the giant metal sphere rolled onto the ramp, causing him to struggle a bit to keep the structure in tact underneath the great weight of the many coins, and was launched skywards, soaring forward through the air until it collided into a large building, where it remained stuck.

"Is that seriously the best you can do? Because if it is, then you are truly the most pathetic 'magician' I've ever seen, and I spent a number of years with Valant!" Zak boasted as Roger deformed his sphere, causing the coins that were used to form it to cluster into two clouds above him, one on either side of him, as he jumped from the hole created by the sphere to the ground below.

"In that case, you'll be glad to know that my magic is like my shows- the longer things go on, the more interesting they become." Roger smirked.

"Is that some kind of new slang term that kids nowadays are using? Because last I checked, little boy, 'interesting' didn't mean 'bland and repetitive'." Zak snidely retorted.

"Let's see how well you make wisecracks with a face full of coins!" Roger snarled, pointing his right arm at his foe, causing the coin cloud to his left to shift into a stream of sorts before being fired at tremendous force in a c-shaped arc. However, Zak was able to block the attack by flicking his left wrist, causing a large playing card to appear out of thin air to shield him.

As the coins continued to push against the card, Roger pointed his other arm at his foe, performing the exact same attack with the coin cloud on the right, only with the stream this time moving in a backwards c-arc and striking at Zak from the right. However, just with the previous attack, Zak blocked the coin onslaught by summoning another giant playing card.

"Any last words, _old_ boy?" Roger sneered as he clenched his fingers, causing the two streams of coins to press against the playing card shields with even greater force.

"Just one question… _little_ boy." Zak grunted as he struggled to keep his shields up.

"I'm listening..."

"Have you ever heard of three-card monte?" The poker-loving ex-magician asked as he jerked his head slightly to the right.

"What kind of question is tha-AH!" Roger screamed in both shock and pain as a third giant playing card appeared mid-air to his right and slammed him in the side, causing his coin streams to harmlessly fall to the ground like their wielder, only with the latter, he did so with a slight roll as he was launched to the side.

Seeing that the disgraced magician was downed, Zak lowered his card shields, having believed that he won the fight, before turning around and proceeding to walk away.

"As much as I'd like to continue this little game, Pee-us, I have somewhere I need to be. Though perhaps next time we meet, you'll actually prove to be somewhat of a challenge." Zak casually remarked, not even bothering to turn around.

Though in retrospect, that was not the wisest of moves on Zak's part, for right after that remark, the poker-loving jerk's torso was grabbed by a large disembodied hand made of coins as he was suddenly skyrocketed into the air. Upon looking around to gauge his surroundings, Zak could see only two things: the city below him becoming increasingly smaller with each passing second, and Roger, who was rocketing up into the air, parallel to the hand, thanks to two powerful pillars of flames erupting from the soles of his shoes.

"You know, Zak, it's not a very good idea to turn your back on someone who's out to kill you until you're absolutely sure they're down. Otherwise, well… I think it's kind of obvious what can happen. But you know what they say: pride comes before the fall." Roger sneered with a snap of his fingers, causing the coin hand to drop his enemy before transforming it into a spear with a flick of his wrist that he sent plummeting after the poker-loving jerk.

Though once again, Zak was able to save himself with some quick thinking by summoning a large playing card to slap away the coin spear before stopping his decent by creating a platform of playing cards beneath his feet. However, even though the poker-enthusiast wasn't falling anymore, he knew that he had to get away from the psychotic t.v. producer if he was to have any hope of making it to his meeting, the sole reason why he was back in this crazy city in the first place. So channeling his inner-Frozone, Zak proceeded to flee the scene by causing a trail of playing cards to appear under his feet with a few waves of his hand as he ran forward with the cards behind him gently fluttering to the ground.

"You're not getting away from me that easily, Gramarye!" Roger growled as he rocketed after Zak in hot pursuit while firing round after round of fireballs at his foe with quick succession, all of which the poker-loving jerk managed to dodge with a series of jumps, ducks, and sidesteps.

Realizing that he wasn't getting anywhere by staying on the defensive, in-between dodging fireballs, Zak proceeded to use his free hand to fire playing card shrunkens at his foe, which the television producer dodged by simply flying around, while continuing his own onslaught.

This back and forth series of attacks continued for a good while as the two former magicians raced through the city, zigging and zagging around various buildings and billboards, as well as each other's unyielding attacks, until Roger decided to shake things up by not shooting off another fireball, but rather, using his powers to form two boomerangs made out of coins which he fired at his enemy's feet, with one coming from the left that was launched first and another from the right that was sent out a split second later. Sure, it wasn't that dissimilar from just firing them at the same time, but it made all the difference when Zak dodged the first boomerang with a simple hop, only to be hit in the ankle by the second one right as he landed, causing him to trip forward and his card trail to collapse as he plummeted towards the ground once again. However, this time, Zak was able to cushion his fall by creating a ramp made out of playing cards that he was able to simply slide down until he safely reached the ground.

"You're finished, Shadi. Notice the area we're in…" Roger smirked, a fireball at the ready in his left hand as he gestured to the surrounding area- a moderately crowded section of the city where the road formed a T-shape. "If you continue to flee from me, you have one of two choices: you can either take the left road and speed towards the precinct, where the police will waste no time in arresting you, a felon who has been on the run for seven years, and doing me a great favor; or you take right road, which goes straight to the red-light district and a lot of … shall we say, unsavory types who we both know aren't too fond of you and wouldn't hesitate to do things to you that would make the police look like Rainbow Squirts by comparison. And even if you stand your ground here and fight me, this isn't the empty backstreets that you were originally keeping to. So eventually, someone would call the police, and you'd still be arrested. So what will it be, Shadi: death by my flames and coins, a lifetime of prison, or the Cadaverini family breaking your kneecaps and fitting you with a pair of concrete shoes?"

"Hmm…" Zak crossed his arms as he pretended to think about the decision in-depth. "I think I'll take… Option D, the high road!" The poker-loving jerk beamed as he used his magical abilities to run up the side of the largest building in the area, which just so happened to be the Prosecutor's Office, while Roger flew up after him- at which point, the two former magicians resumed their back-and-forth attacks of fireballs and playing card shrunkens.

* * *

Meanwhile, Edgeworth was sitting at the desk in his office, casually sipping some tea as he read a case file, when suddenly, Kay burst into the room.

"Mr. Edgeworth! Mr. Edgeworth! You won't believe what I heard!" Kay beamed as she rushed over to the maroon-cladded prosecutor, who decided to place his case file on his desk and take a break since he knew that he wouldn't be able to get any reading done with his high-strung assistant present.

"If you're going to tell me that another horror game was released, then I'm begging you to not show it to Sebastian." Edgeworth groaned as he rubbed his temple. "I'm still having monthly panic attacks after you played _Five Nights at Freddy 2_ with him."

"Geez, I've apologized for that, like, a billion times and helped you fix the door! What more do you want from me?"

"I want you not to introduce Sebastian to any more horror games for not only my sake, but for the community as a whole. Why, just last week, Sebastian called Justine at midnight and have her drive all the way to his house to make sure that Foxy and Mangle weren't hiding in his closest."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that because this news isn't about any horror games." Kay replied with a confident smile as she rubbed her nose with her index finger.

"Then what _is_ your news? That you've figured out more ways to keep your friend from completing his work for the day?" Edgeworth wryly retorted with crossed arms as he tapped his bicep.

"Sorry about that, Mr. Edgeworth." Kay stated with a toothy grin. "I'm just really stoked because I just heard from Maya who heard from Mr. Wright that Trucy's gonna try doing some new tricks at her next show that were inspired by Troupe Gramarye in memory of her grandpa, a.k.a. _the_ Magnifi Gramarye!"

"So?" Edgeworth nonchalantly responded with a shrug of his shoulders before picking up his case file and resuming his reading.

"So? _SO_!?" Kay gasped, her eyes as wide as saucers out of shock. "Do you know what this means?"

"That you're going to explain it to me regardless of what I say?"

"Yes, because it's that big a deal! If the news is true, then that means that at Trucy's next show, we could see her doing awesome stuff like making a cruise ship disappear, or blowing up an amusement park, or making a ton of gold disappear from a safe! If I could convince Trucy to become part of the Yatagarasu, could you imagine the new heights we'd be able to reach? Why, with her magical abilities, my wit and athletic abilities, and our combined cuteness, we would be unstoppable!" Kay remarked with a mischievous smirk as she adjusted her gloves.

 _And bring forth a wave of destruction of woe the likes of which humanity has yet to see. Though if Trucy were to make Gatewater Land and their unholy mascots disappear…_ "Frankly Kay, you'd be wasting your time trying to get Trucy to join the Yatagarasu if you're basing it off of her 'magic'."

"Why do you say that, Mr. Edgeworth?" Kay asked with a confused look on her face. "Trucy's magic is a force to be reckoned with! For example, her magic panties alone could help me pull of countless heists."

"While Trucy's tricks are indeed a sight to behold, that is all they are- tricks. You see, Kay, magic does not exists. When a magician utilizes 'magic', they are merely fooling your eyes and mind with smoke, mirrors, and misdirection- like the corrupt public officials we have brought to justice in the past, only with more sequins." Edgeworth smirked with outstretched arms. "Why, even Blaise Debeste was more magical than these so-called magicians on the grounds that he actually made people disappear. Do you honestly believe that people are capable of flying, conjuring objects out of thin air, and defying the laws of nature as a whole? Sure, you could argue…"

As Edgeworth continued his rant, Kay spotted Zak standing right on the outside of the maroon-cladded prosecutor's window, throwing three playing card shrunkens at Roger, who dodged them all with ease before firing a torrent of flames from the palm of his hand, not unlike a flamethrower, at his opponent, who avoided the attack by running slightly to the left.

"Mr. Edgeworth! Two magicians are fighting right outside your window with magic! Look! LOOK!" Kay gasped, frantically pointing at the window as the two former magicians continued their magical duel.

"Kay, that remark was so ludicrous that I won't even dignify it with a response." Edgeworth nonchalantly replied, not even bothering to look up from his case file.

"But, Mr. Edgeworth! They're-"

"But nothing, Kay!" Edgeworth snapped. "If these so-called magicians are fighting outside my window, then may some heavy object crash into this office and cause me harm."

At that moment, Roger rotated his right wrist in a counterclockwise motion, causing several coins to condense into a bowling ball-sized sphere which he launched at his opponent, who responded by summoning a large playing card to deflect the sphere back at its creator, who proceeded to position his forearm in front of his chest, creating a shield out of coins that he used to redirect the sphere back at his target. However, instead of deflecting the sphere back at the television producer for a second time, Zak opted to dodge it by simply running further up the building, resulting in the sphere crashing through Edgeworth's window, slamming him in the shoulder, knocking him to the ground, and pinning him under a large pile of coins.

"Don't. Say. ANYTHING!" Edgeworth snarled through clenched teeth, struggling in vain to free himself from the pocket change as Kay simply crossed her arms and smirked.

* * *

Even though Edgeworth was incapacitated and his pride wounded, the two former magicians remained steadfast in their duel, locked in combat as the world around them slowly became limited to each other and their attacks and time felt as though it was moving at a snail's pace. But nothing in this world lasts forever, and the Prosecutor's Office's height was no different- something Zak realized when he no longer felt cold, smooth glass or stable stone beneath his feet, but rather, the emptiness of air as his momentum carried him slightly skyward. Granted, the poker-loving jerk wasn't launched all that high- if he wanted to, he could have easily grabbed the roof's ledge and pulled himself up- but it was just high enough for Roger to get a good hit in, which he did by encasing his right hand in a gauntlet made of coins before delivering a solid punch to Zak's torso, slamming the prideful magician down onto the roof and causing his body to slide back to the far side of the flat concrete surface.

"Is that seriously all you could muster, Gramarye? Pathetic!" Roger sneered as he landed on the roof and sauntered over to his adversary, who had managed to lift himself up onto one knee, but was still struggling to get up. "And to think, I was deliberately holding back my true power just so I could toy with you. Good thing I did; otherwise, within the first ten seconds, you would have been a burnt little stain on the sidewalk- a huge improvement over what you've always been, if I must say."

"Screw… you!" Zak grunted as he finally rose to his feet.

"Oh, I'm _sooo_ hurt." Roger snidely retorted before pulling out a video camera with his non-metal-wielding hand and aiming it at his opponent. "C'mon, Zak, where's your trademark douchebag arrogance that we all love to hate? I plan on editing the footage of me beating you to death with my coin gauntlet into a comedy skit- maybe have you get beaten up by that sad defense attorney that you left in the dust, or a cartoon dog, or some sassy old lady with a purse and a grudge. I don't really have anything set in stone, but whatever I go with, it would be so much more entertaining with you being your typical jerky self. I mean, what happened to all that bravado that you had at the start of the fight? Did it go up and die, like Magnifi… or Thalassa?"

"How did you- Don't you _EVER_ mock the memories of my beautiful wife, or her father and mentor, you son of a bitch!" Zak roared as he sprung to his feet, encasing his hands within two thick boxing gloves made of playing cards with a flick of his wrists before decking the sleazy t.v. producer with a right hook, prompting the camera to fly out of his hand and careen over the roof's edge.

However, before Zak could land a second blow with his left fist, his attack was blocked with a grab by Roger, who had encased his other hand in a coin gauntlet.

"Ha! There's the magic! There's the fight!" Roger cackled with sadistic glee. "I may have lost my camera and my footage, but I'll just hire some actors to reenact the fight tomorrow for the premier episode of a new superhero show that I just 'thought up'. Hell, maybe I'll even spring to have that sleazebag Matt Engarde sprung from prison since I can't think of anyone better to play the part of you. After all, you're both spineless, despised, weak-willed cowards who are the reason that someone who loved them is rotting in the ground." The t.v. producer remarked as he pushed his adversary back with a mighty shove. "Oh, and as for how I know about Thalassa, when you work in media, you learn a lot of things that are supposedly secrets."

"Don't lump me in with the likes of Engarde, Pee-us!" Zak snarled as he charged at his foe like a raging bull, unleashing a flurry of punches that were all easily dodged with some skilled footwork as the other former magician did the same, only for his attacks to be dodge in a similar manner as the two men continued their dialog. "Thalassa's death was an unfortunate accident, nothing more! And for all I know, it was Valant's pistol that did the deed!"

"An unfortunate accident? Ha!" Roger guffawed. "You know just as much as I do that there was no such thing as accidents in Magnifi's troupe!"

"You don't mean…!" Zak gasped, his eyes widening in disbelief at what his opponent was implying.

"That's right, Gramarye! Your beloved mentor, the man who you devoted your life to, staged his own daughter's death just so he could blame it on you and Valant in order to keep the both of you in line!"

"You're insane, little boy! Sure, Magnifi wasn't exactly the kindest person out there, but he loved his daughter and would never so much as harm a hair on her head, let alone have her killed!"

"If you believe that, then you don't know anything about Magnifi. The old bastard only cared about two things: himself, and his career, while every other person and thing- you, me, and even Thalassa- was just puppets that he'd simply discard once their usefulness came to an end. Why do you think I was fired? Sure, he fed you all that load of bull that it was because I was using my magic as a mere tool- as if he was never guilty of doing the same- but in all actuality, it was because he felt that after my injury, my magic would only serve to embarrass him and as such, he was looking for an excuse to get rid of me. Even if I didn't try to perform against Magnifi's wishes, that prick would have merely waited for another potential reason to oust me to rear its ugly head!

"Then by that logic, Magnifi wouldn't have even let Valant in through the front door." Zak snidely retorted as he tried to punch Roger, only for the t.v. producer to grab his fist. And when the poker-loving jerk tried to punch with the other hand, it too was grabbed.

"Valant may not have been an especially skilled magician, but in Magnifi's little black book, that was acceptable as long as he was willing to dance when his strings were pulled… just like you. That's another reason why Magnifi fired me: he knew that I wouldn't bend to his will. He knew that I would eventually start to ask questions that could lead to me become as powerful, if not more so, as him… questions with answers that I have already found." Roger chuckled with a shake of his head. "Sure, Magnifi taught you and Valant how to _perform_ your tricks, but did he ever teach you the very nature behind them- just how such spectacular feats of magic that defy the laws of nature are even possible?"

"No, Magnifi didn't. But what reason would he have to do so? After all, a magician is nothing without his secrets."

"Yes, a magician is nothing without his secrets. And for Magnifi, his secrets went so much deeper than just hidden trap doors and invisible strings. In fact, the sources behind both Magnifi and my magic are so out of this world that even if I told you about them, you would probably write me off as insane. But what do I care what you think when you're about to die?"

With that final remark, Roger caused his coin gauntlets to glow red with heat, causing Zak's playing card boxing gloves to turn to ashes. With his opponent disarmed, the television producer cooled down his gloves before delivering a powerful shove to the poker-loving jerk's chest, sending him flying back to the other side of the roof and nearly over the edge.

Luckily, Zack landed right in front of the roof's edge and was left with fewer injuries than he received from that punch earlier, but despite the fact that he was able to get back up on his feet faster, that didn't change the face that Roger was charging at him at a breakneck pace, his gauntlets having morphed into two sharp blades made of coins that resembled a praying mantis' pincers, leaving him no time to dodge.

But Roger, who was blinded by his rage and desire to win the fight, had forgotten that Zak's abilities allowed him to dodge attacks without needing to take a single step- something the poker-loving jerk did with a simple wave of his hand, causing a simple deck of cards to appear right under his opponent's foot. And sure enough, when the television producer stepped on the deck of cards, he lost his footing, causing him to lose his balance, veer off to the side, miss his target, and careen off the roof in a similar fashion to his video camera.

However, unlike the video camera, Roger didn't plummet to the ground, making a sharp breaking sound upon impact, but rather, used his magic to fly back up on the roof mere seconds after falling off.

"Ok, Gramarye, prepare for-" Roger cut himself off upon noticing that Zak was nowhere to be found. "GRAMARYEEEEEEEEE!" The t.v. producer roared at the top of his lungs, his gaze tilted upwards as he shook a wrathful fist at the heavens.

Meanwhile, as Roger was having a mental breakdown atop the Prosecutor's Office, Zak was back on the ground, scurrying into a dark, empty alley as he made his way towards his destination.

* * *

Later, after taking several twists and turns through numerous alleyways in order to keep a low profile, Zak finally found himself at his destination: The Borscht Bowl Club, where he ran into Sparks Brushel, a nosey reporter who could easily pass for the main villain in a psycho slasher film and a necessary part of his plan for the evening- well, the less important one- standing outside of the restaurant, jotting notes down on his arm as he mumbled to himself. Though upon seeing the ex-magician, a wide, toothy grin spread across the reporter's face.

" _Rude Magician Requests Reporter to Meet with Him for Important Business, only to Arrive 30 Minutes Late_ , end quo-AH!" Brushel screamed, hunched over in pain after being decked in the stomach by a quick, yet strong punch from Zak.

"Hush, Brushel! I was delayed by an issue that was out of my control. Is that such a crime?" Zak smirked, placing his hands in his pockets.

"N-No, sir!" The reporter nervously replied before brushing his tongue and glasses with the toothbrush that he always carried around with him.

"Good to hear!" Zak bellowed with a hearty chuckle. "But even though this evening started out a bit on the rough side, I think I can say with absolute confidence that the worst of it is behind me!"

At that moment, Kristoph exited the restaurant, where his and Zak's gazes met for the briefest of moments, charismatic brown orbs meeting with calm blue. The interaction was brief- only lasting for the split second that the defense attorney spent walking past one of his arch enemies- but Zak couldn't help but wonder if the old boy remembered him. Sure, it had been seven years since they last saw each other, but based on the look of sheer devastation the periwinkle-cladded man had on his face after being fired, Zak thought that the old boy would have had at least some inkling of recognition on his face when their gazes met instead of that stoic look he was so renowned for.

But whether or not some sleazy attorney remembered him wasn't important; for on this night, Zak was on a mission of the utmost importance to set things right and to atone for a mistake that had haunted him for years… as well as some other thing regarding passing down the rights to Magnifi's rights over to Trucy.

So with determination in his heart and his master plan in the works, Zak, with Brushel following behind him, entered the Borscht Bowl to get the retribution that he so greatly desired.


End file.
